Second Vocations, They're Not Just for Men Anymore

Guest Blog January

2012-01-29T00:23:00.000-08:00

The Oblate Sisters of St Mary Magdalene and The Oblate Brothers of St Andre will be honoring us this year with their contributions, expressing how they live the charism of OSMM or OBA in their own Milieu. January is the month for Sr. Kateri to share. Pray for her in thanksgiving for this shared blessing.

Ballistic boors, berated boys and badly behaved barriers

There’s no telling how long they had been there when I came around the corner. I was pretty frazzled myself as I was running late to my appointment because I hadn’t been alert to the train schedule changes due to the now far-too-frequent track work but I knew I had to do something. I stayed back a moment to assess the situation. A young boy, about seven years old, was on one side of the mechanical gate and his father was on the other. The boy was frantic as his father literally screamed and cursed at him to insert his ticket correctly and join him so they could resume their journey. The poor boy kept trying to get the ticket reader to accept his little red piece of paper, but the machine was being persnickety and refused to cooperate no matter how desperate the boy or his father was. The ears for which the boy’s pain-filled pleas of, “I’m trying, Daddy, I’m trying!” were intended were fully deaf to them; apparently, I was the only one who was affected by his disturbing distress. By now, the father was bellowing curse words and yelling, “You are definitely your mother’s son” while waving his arms like a madman as though that would somehow intimidate the machine into simply allowing the child through. I thought those words would be my cue. I planned to walk up and exclaim, “And I’m sure his mother thinks he’s a handsome son indeed” then trying to calm the ballistic father down before the situation got even more out of hand than it was already. Such a compliment wouldn’t be much of a stretch. He was a cute little fellow indeed, well groomed and neatly tucked into a crisp clean coat, hopefully by someone very unlike the man now abusing him. I wanted to rush up and wrap my arms around him to insulate him from the cold, vicious words that stung our combined ears, but I knew that might make the situation worse for him after I left, so another strategy was needed to protect him from the horrible storm taking place in the train station on that beautiful, sunny day.

I considered using the gate furthest from the malignant man to get to the other side of the gates then trying to help the boy insert his ticket, but I worried that the ticket might have been rendered useless from his repeated attempts to force it into the tiny slot. My sole fellow train traveler had just used that furthest portal to conveniently escape the situation, quickly slipping out the door as soon as he obtained access to the other side rather than taking a few seconds to intervene from the safety of the other side of the gates. Now, I was left with the raging maniac, who continued to get more and more worked up and abusive despite my presence as a witness to his unacceptable behavior. By now, he was calling his son horribly hurtful names while striking the ticket mechanism repeatedly. Oddly enough, I was not the only witness to this deranged behavior. Beside the father stood another man-- perhaps a friend or relative of the father’s, maybe even the boy’s uncle. He did not actively participate in the abuse, but his silence echoed through the train station, a speechless endorsement of the father’s damaging actions. I’m surprised the man didn’t suggest that one of them take the boy’s ticket and try to insert it themselves given that they could reach the ticket reader over the gate if they tried. Instead, the father seemed to prefer terrorizing the trembling boy (and machine) into submission.

I finally built up the courage to step into the fray and approached the gate where the maligning man was continuing to scream at and scare his scarred son. I took out my monthly train pass and tapped it on the gate release mechanism, which promptly opened the gate. The moment was actually somewhat bittersweet—though the gate had been the cause of great emotional abuse, it may have actually served to protect the boy from physical abuse. Now that protective barrier had vanished and though he had been rather desperate to get through, the boy understandably paused, perhaps in surprise because he hadn’t inserted his ticket and yet the previously unyielding gate had somehow magically parted. I then motioned to him to enter, gently coaxing, “Come on through.” That was all he needed to hear-- he rushed through to where his father had demanded him to be. I then slid to the other side before the gate closed, locking me in the station. I naively expected the abuse to stop once the boy was no longer on the other side of the gate that had so aggravated his father, but the tyrant continued to badger the boy about his inability to make the gate open on his own and his other perceived faults. I then told the father that sometimes tickets fail to function due to faulty magnetic strips and that his son’s ticket probably fell into that category. I also told them to make sure the boy exited the gate with one of them when they got where they were going because he had entered on my pass so his ticket would not work at their destination. I hoped that would end the trouble as now he had a plausible explanation for the troublesome ticket not working. But, as I walked away, I heard the boy’s abuse continue, as it had likely done long before the unyielding gate had ever served as a pretext for his father’s misplaced rage. I do not know his name, but I shall pray for that little tussled blond boy, wrapping him up in the warmth of the Lord’s love where his own father’s is sometimes absent. Wherever you are, little one, someone will remember you and children like you in prayer. …

O Jesus, I pray that victims of abuse and mistreatment may be healed by your infinite goodness and compassion to the afflicted. Restore their mental and physical and spiritual health, and renew their strength and their courage so that they may lead full lives serving you on earth. I pray that all victims of crime and family abuse may be bathed in the healing light of your infinite love, especially vulnerable children who cannot protect themselves from their abusers or understand why they are being targeted.

The Apple Argument

2012-01-20T16:26:00.000-08:00

This essay first appeared in the December 2000 issue of Crisis Magazine. Peter Kreeft supplies us with an argument against abortion that even the hardest, pro-abortion heart will have a difficult time defending.

http://www.crisismagazine.com/2012/the-apple-argument-against-abortion-3

In addition, here is a reply to the latest "Why I Hate Religion, But I Love Jesus" video that went viral. Not bad... actually, VERY GOOD.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ru_tC4

It's nice to blog when others present your thoughts so well :)

Blessed Art Thou among Women

2011-09-27T21:59:00.000-07:00

Two of the people in my world (well, that I know. One is my sister who is IN my world & the other is my ex husband whom I KNOW) caused me to meditate on a subject that is near and dear to my heart, as well as controversial to some Christians. That is the Church's teaching on The Holy Mother and her role in our salvation. The former is starting RCIA this fall, while the latter believes in Catholic teaching and is also exploring conversion.

My sister admitted that she is having a difficult time with "Mary" and I remember my dear, African Methodist Episcopal mother saying that, "...Mary is just a woman like you and I". That satisfied my sister, but I always felt that it just couldn't be true. I knew that I was not worthy of bearing the Infant Christ and I also knew that she hadn't given birth to Him (I am in part evidence to that fact). Maybe it's providence, or maybe it is because I was born on the day the Church celebrates her immaculate birth. And while my father, in his country raised mentality, God love him, wanted to give me the middle name "May". My mother in her east coast good taste changed it to "Marie". Early into my middle ages, I developed a deep love for St. Marie Euphrasia and her Eudist charism. Providence?

It was very easy for me to come to give my heart to her Immaculate one. There are other times in my life where I clearly see her as my spiritual director, as many of us do. But in a nut shell, I just believe. Unfortunately, not living a childhood having that devotion nurtured, I am not always the best Marian apologist, but I do try. I have spoken of Genesis 1:15. I also pointed to her Old Testament prophesy as she is the human Arc of the Covenant. All this to no avail. I guess I need to brush up on my Scott Hahn.

Then, a couple of weeks ago, my ex had the opportunity to watch Mother Angelica and her sisters pray the Rosary. He said that what he kept hearing was the part of the prayer where it says, "Blessed art thou among women" and his mind focused on it in meditation. He said that now, he understood my devotion, moreover he saw that he needed to look at the way he treats all women. If she is a role model for Christian womanhood, he is realizing the conscious effort he needs to make and treat not just her with respect, but all women. I noticed a rare moment of insight and clarity, that I normally don't pick up with this individual. I don't mean to lack charity, but it is true.

So, I took that thought to its next logical conclusion. Christ is our Brother, because God is His and Our Father. So Mary, the mother of God, that makes God her Divine Spouse. Right there she at the very least deserves respect, at a minimum. But then, I also remembered a conversation with a friend. She was talking about a conversation with a young man who happened to be Jewish, just like Mary. In ancient Hebrew law, kingship was passed on through the mother, the only one to have the king's ear. But that was the "aha" piece of fact. That was when this friend disclosed another "factoid": Jewish men must pray and observe Jewish prayer and worship tradition everyday, not just on the Sabbath. Women, on the other hand, do not. That isn't to say that mothers aren't still responsible for passing the faith on to the next generation, nor that they aren't responsible for observing Jewish laws. The reason for this "dispensation" is that women are given the gift, the honor of actually bearing children. Therefore, she deserves a special place in people's heart. There, now we can say it, "AHA!!!"

Mary is not a role model of a "submissive, quiet woman" like old time feminists used to say. Not at all. Rather (or better) her place in the order of things makes her motherhood, being the mother of God's Only Begotten Son, is what gives her a natural place of importance in Christianity. No, you aren't obligated to pray to her or ask for her prayers, but she is 100% about bringing us to Her Divine Son. He is the most important person in our faith. She delivers him to us daily. She isn't offended if one doesn't wish to ask for her assistance. No, because Jesus is the reason we have hope. Jesus is the role model for all of humanity. Jesus is Love.

It's that simple.

Life in this World Wide Web

2011-09-17T23:41:00.000-07:00

Who says no good comes from cyberspace? Everyday, we read and hear the stories. A young man has taken his life after being bullied online on social networks. Nigerian fraud is so prolific, we make jokes about it. And, then there are the people who are murdered and the victims were unlucky enough to fall into a trap set in the classifieds. When I think over the almost 15 years I have been in the cyber world, I believe I have been truly blessed. Yes, there is so much negativity to be found there, but that is because there is evil in the world. If you seek the devil, you will find him no matter where you roam. But if it's God you seek, you will find him there in abundance.

I have friends, long time friends, that I have met on Yahoo! email groups. I've received support to get through my illness and my daughters' no less from these friends, in some ways more, than I gathered from people I see face to face on a regular basis. Most of the encouragement I have gleaned from online relationships has been not only just what I needed, it has kept feeding fuel to the fire that is my love for Jesus. I wouldn't be many of the things I am if not for "this machine". Media has always been the driving force shaping society. Ancient peoples painted and marked walls of their caves. God blazed the Ten Commandments on stone tablets. The Vatican Library contains volumes of ancient writings, original writings from King Henry VIII, writing love letters to Ann Boleyn. Villages had the town crier, then postal networks, books and newspapers. Now, we have Scott Pelley or Katie Couric. I know my grown daughters still believe that I was alive when Abraham Lincoln was president, but they take lightly the fact that when I was a little girl, there wasn't a TV in every home. That is just inconceivable in their minds. I do remember having many a teacher preach against the evils of television. Even though it connected the world in a way that people couldn't yet grasp, the same naysayers who warned the world about Satan invading homes via the tube have offspring, warning us of the same evils on the net.

I understand their misgivings, I really do. I am equally so repulsed by the deviant behaviors that seem to slither through the digital device that gives me this forum.Still, seek and you shall find. It has served as the alarm for me to minister to the world who is loosing its crown jewel: Life. The family is suffering. The vocation of marriage is suffering. Children, unborn and birthed, are suffering. Everything that has made human life beautiful is being destroyed on a global scale and bad times seem to be coming a warp speed. So much strife, so much malevolent behavior paving the road to perdition.

Then, I find (on Facebook, the ubiquitous social network) this website. It is simple, but absolutely beautiful IN its simplicity. I have spent hours penning the facts about the charism of the Oblate Sisters of Mary Magdalene, and the creators of this page give few words and a few images to say it quite completely. And sweetly:
http://www.jesus-loves-you.org/?p=439

It's All About Love

2011-08-28T18:19:00.000-07:00

Yes, the title of this blog is cliche, but that doesn't make it any less true. We all believe we have the same definition of the word "Love", it means different things to all of us & it's the same for all of us. Those who don't understand it are doomed to a life of unhappiness. From the outside, they might be people we envy, but inside, they're dying slowly. Something so common to being human can be misunderstood & allusive. Sadly, that isn't cliche.

The same thing is true about faith & religious life. I had a conversation with someone who proclaimed herself an "Agnostic", but it leaned towards Atheism. She once said to me that,"...just because I am spiritual doesn't mean I believe in some old man with a long white beard sitting on a chair high above the clouds." I told her that I didn't believe in that either. Then I tried to explain that God is Love, something that just didn't register. I pray that she will come to the reality of "Love" in her lifetime.

Then, there are those whose only idea of religious life is someone who lives in a community, has daily regimented prayer lives & while they may not wear a habit, they just have bad taste in bland clothing. I remember a priest telling me that he has a sister who lives consecrated life in community. He said that her mentor or superior was "all over her every move". They just don't have any other conception of the idea of living the consecrated life in the secular milieu. How can you possibly educate someone about a charism without having constant watch over their every waking moment?First of all, I think they under estimate the power of modern technology. Most people have unlimited, low cost long distance calling. It's not an insurmountable feat to coordinate schedules. You have basic earmarks to your expression of living the way of life a charism, but the horarium is a flexible one. It is almost as simple as weaving it into your everyday way of life. Fixing a meal for your elderly parent is a prayer of love. Going to a child's parent/teacher conference is a gesture of love and a prayer. To live as a religious secularly is to make things that seem mundane something of a greater purpose, an act of love.

Tonight is a perfect example. My 19 year old is sifting through her wardrobe to donate what she no longer wears to charity. She doesn't believe in giving away anything substandard. She is laundering those items along with her clothes she wears now. She is tired & sleeping, so I went into the laundry room & folded everything. It reminded me of how I would come home at her age, telling my mother that if she would wake me in the morning, I would get up & do my laundry. But when I awoke the next day, usually around 11am, I would find all my clothes clean & neatly folded in the laundry room. I never thanked her for that, as much as I appreciated it & adored her for it. Monique won't thank me tonight either, but I know that when she is old enough, she will look back on what I did with fondness & love. My prayer will be heard. That is love.

Just because something doesn't fit into our traditional view, doesn't take away its validity. Living as a religious is making your very existence a prayer. The same can be achieved in one's own home amid other homes. I know I always come back to this, but rather than looking for self gratification & living the "social life" you believe you should or should have had while young, but feel fettered by young children, CONSECRATE single parenting. You have an entire life to live and no greater garden can be planted than raising God's children. I realize it's not easy. I also acknowledge societal pressures that tell people they aren't whole without a significant other in your bed each night. By the time we realize that isn't true, it's too late. One of the problems with our society is our inability to work for the long term benefit & the greater good. I pray that I model being a good single mother. Before I decided I wanted to live religious life, I realized that my children were the most important charge that I had at that time. Rachel was the product of marriage that ended in 1989, but I chose to adopt Monique as a single person in 1996, she was five then. I have a cousin who once told me I live in a high stress household... that tickles me. Maybe it's true, but I wouldn't change a thing. Every time my grown daughters say grace before a meal, when they thank God for their successes or achievements & every time they hear an emergency siren, they cross themselves & say a Hail Mary, I know that my prayers are being heard.

A Bride Late in Life, A Bride of Christ

2011-06-28T23:18:00.001-07:00

People who know me may pooh-pooh me when they hear my often (what they perceive to be trite) observation that #1 CONVERTS RULE! & #2 People who live their consecration in the secular world as opposed to the cloister have a most difficult & misunderstood row to hoe. Yep, I can see all of your collective heads shaking & your tongues "tsk"-ing. But I know what I know! (That was one of my favorite lines in "Driving Miss Daisy")

I was young, 19-20 when I made the move from Grace African Methodist Episcopal Church to the life of an African American Catholic woman, but I can honestly say that since I did convert, each day with my faith is like opening a present every day. Each decision, every action (even those of which I cannot be proud, I repent), every smile, warm cuddle, big smile, bad joke.... they are all parts of something that Mother Church holds most dear: LIFE.

All of my choices, good and bad, have lead to the wonderful life I live now. Oh, I shed my share of tears to be sure. You cannot have raised two daughters into the 21st Century and remain dry eyed. When I had the epiphany that I had always wanted religious life when I was younger, but didn't have the courage to approach The Oblate Sisters of Providence in Baltimore... and I have family in Baltimore! At that time in my life, I suffered from Slinky's Disease. I was born with no spine. There is the beauty of getting older though, you develop a spine, whether you intend to or not. And, of course I could point to all of my good decisions, like my daughters, but every pot hole, buckle & bump in the road has lead to some of the best fruit. And, I STILL say I have Mother Church and My Divine Spouse to thank for that.

Recognizing that you don't have a married vocation, even though you operate in a venue that says ALL women have a married vocation. But for me, the whole coupling thing never felt right. It was easy to blame that on me. Then, when I was going through the annulment process with my advocate, Deacon Frank X Ball, my eyes were opened to that which I am TRULY called. He told me that I could commit my heart and soul to Jesus, while taking on the mission of raising, successfully, two of the most wonderful daughters a mother could have. Our Lord, Jesus Christ, has always served as their father. I realize the standard is high, but find me a better role model, and I'll give you a gold star. Also, I am encouraged to live with Christ as my spouse. He is there for me, even in my most challenged moments.... and there were many. That rocky ship of my life sails smoothly now, I allowed Him to come up to the top deck, look over the sea of my life and say, "Peace, be still". Of course, it obeyed.

I do feel that my first mission for Christ is almost a completed success. Rachel is 30 and developmentally handicapped. Her maturity may never be much beyond that of a 12 year old, but she is the most positive, sweet, loving and happy souls to ever inspire me. From her, I learned NEVER to look at the "IQ" they've handed me. NO. I always wanted my children to have the blessing of the kind of parents as I was so blessed. She has held a job, even when the economy goes south, since she was 16. And the jobs came to HER. People have come to her and begged that she work for them, being a native English speaker, who gets along with the others, regardless of their native language. Then, last Friday, while she worked her weekly soda station job at "Sonic", a hearing impaired customer came to the door, because she couldn't give her order to the servers. Rachel told her boss that she could help. She went to her, took the order & accurately submitted it. The customers were most grateful, as was her boss and co workers. She taught signing to HERSELF, with always carrying a fascination for sign language and the story of Helen Keller (first book she downloaded on MY eReader). It has paid off. And I thanked Her Father for giving her this gift. She reminds us that NO ONE is defined by others' expectations and snobbish standards.

The only thing I regret in raising Monique is that she was adopted by a mom who doesn't like to take pictures... not even on vacations & we've had some slammin' "VAYKAYS". She was the littlest, five year old peanut I'd ever seen. When she moved it, I was living the vows of the evangelical counsels with the Good Shepherd sisters local to Columbus OH. I had prayed a novena to St. Mary Euphrasia Pelletier, their foundress, for nine days. On the ninth day, I was advised that she was my daughter. She fit like a new glove and I immediately had her baptized, "Monique Marie Euphrasia Dunson" in thanksgiving to the saint who went to bat for me. I knew some other wonderful woman chose life and carried her for me. I am forever in her debt.

Recently, Momo is connecting with people she knew in the foster care system and a family that wanted her, but it wasn't their time with a teenager having issues and a curmudgeon dog who wasn't the kindest and gentlest. They were wealthy, not a thriftanista like I. But to that, Momo says, "Mom, God just meant for me to be your daughter. He knew what's best for me." Don't tell her, but I cried when she said that. She is studying to be police officer with the aspiration of becoming a detective. Hmmm... I wonder how much my addiction to "Forensic Files" "CSI" "Law & Order" et al contributed to that aspiration? Hmmmm.

On June 22 at 9am, I professed the vows of poverty, chastity and obedience as an Oblate Sister of Mary Magdalene. I felt as if I had lost 25 pounds. I could feel hugs and caresses and kisses, and I knew no human was there administering those feelings. I felt so loved. So many think that those vows are restricting. I find them freeing and a reaffirmation of what I have accomplished in my life. I wanted, I strived to make each good deed a prayer for His Glory. I am deeply contrite for any and all wrongs I have done to My Lord. But now, somehow, since I actually became a Bride of Christ, I know there is purpose in every word, moment, breath, motion, viewing.... all that I am, I am for him. I am happy for my friends who have fallen in love and had/have big families. What I recognize now is the blessings I am trying to bring to my extended family. I pray that I am a good witness for Christ.

Those of us who have spent our lives, seeking the Living among the dead, recognize Him now and must do as he says: Tell all the world that He IS RISEN. We encounter Him every day and become most intimate through Adoration and most importantly, His Gift of the Eucharist.

"You shall see the face of God and live."

2011-01-26T02:15:00.000-08:00

"Be Not Afraid" is a long time favorite hymn of mine. Whenever I find myself in great fear or turmoil, it automatically comes to mind. I chose it to be played at my mother's funeral. Regardless of the circumstances when I hear it, I feel warm & comforted. It is just quite simply, lovely & it's not a piece of music confined to grief or fear.

I think of the times in the Gospels and The Acts of the Apostles that people encounter Jesus without recognizing him. And in my life, especially St Mary Magdalene. I've done my share of "..lookin' for love in all the wrong places". Of course, not just romantic love, but the warm feeling of doing a good job and being recognized for it. Or feeling popular and accepted. I've always been wanting to live a useful and purposeful life. The greatest of all my "lookin'" is finding my own faith. I've always been a believer, but I mean finding the Sacred Heart of Jesus and receiving His True Presence of Christ in the Eucharist. Living the fullness of faith and purposefully embracing The Truth.

I will be the first to admit to my political incorrectness and its accompanying ornery sense of humor. I was raised by the couple who invented the PC concept. When we were kids, they tolerated our watching "The Beverly Hillbillies", never missing an opportunity to remind us that all Southerners are not stupid. They drew the line with "Hogan's Heroes" due to their perception that it portrayed Germans as sinister, stupid Nazis (I know, that's extreme, but that was my parents). I've been known to enjoy a good blond joke, but I think that is a small piece of the need we all have to rebel against what our parents believe and teach. My love for the Cincinnati Bengals & disdain for the Cleveland Browns is is another piece... Sorry, I digress and apologize.

These past few months, I have been fighting my demons. Like most of us, even as we recently discovered, I have been having a flat, questioning of my faith experience. No matter how down I may have felt, I STILL felt the Holy Arms of Jesus surrounding me. As someone who lives basically a simple life, by choice, the rising prices of everything is a difficult challenge, most of all I am overcome with feelings of guilt & inadequacy when I cannot do something for the girls & if I become lax in getting cat toys to keep the little people exercised. The latter is admittedly petty to most, but I love my cats as I do my daughters.

This afternoon, as I napped, I heard the entire song, "Be Not Afraid". God has a subtle way of waking us up, reminding us to be aware that he is here AND he always loves us. Even His children who are in prison, even those who deny Him.... He loves us all equally as my parents loved us girls and as I try to raise mine. It's time for me to stop succumbing to my fears and move on.

My pet show is put on a delay, only because I have to take a different approach to fund raising from sponsors. His Will be done, however.

Hall of Shame

2010-11-08T11:51:00.001-08:00

As you know, I have been working to consecrate single motherhood, pray for the Sacramental Vocation of Marriage, advocating for the forgotten & & the unborn, as well as promoting my theory that it is an instinctive & hazardous practice of leaving your child alone with a male with whom you are involved, but who is not the child's father.

It happened again this weekend. A sweet 2 year old girl, named London, was killed by her mother's boyfriend while she was away at work.

I have found it necessary to begin a list. I will watch & read the news. I will keep up with internet reports. I will compile a "NOT MY BABY DADDY HALL OF SHAME".

Please join me in prayers for the mothers of abused children and the innocents themselves.+

An Unmarried Woman

2010-08-23T00:33:00.000-07:00

I am an unmarried woman. That is an old "feminist" term that I actually like! It describes my state in life better than "divorced" or "single". Moreover, I am DEFINITELY not widowed. Not that any of those terms have to be derogatory, but there is a stigma attached to each one. Divorce usually indicates that one party was evil or the other was wronged. Single has historically often meant that there was something wrong with a woman who cannot find a man to love her. Finally, to be widowed doesn't mean either of the previous two situations have to be true, but people in their circle of friends still often seem to have unrealistic or selfish expectations of the behavior of the widow. I am not party to any of the three scenarios, so, I am simply not married.

Not that I have never bought into any of those stereotypes nor enabled others who placed those negative social mores in my lap. I can say with a great degree of certainty, that I spent too much of my life looking to find personal happiness and pleasure than seeking His will. Of course, that is at the heart of the concept of wisdom, isn't it? To paraphrase Judge Judith Sheindlin, wisdom is a gift from God to compensate us for getting older. I love that line.

When I go back in the "Way Back Machine" (you don't need carbon dating to figure out my age, but if you Google it, you will get my drift), when I was at the preferred age for discerning a vocation in the Catholic Church, had Slinky's Disease. I was born with no spine. In my heart, I longed to wear a habit and live in a cloister. I don't think I was really ready for that way of life, but was overwhelmed by the fear of rejection by white religious sisters. And, I didn't think it was something my parents would accept. None of those things should have been an issue, because if I had known of the Oblate Sisters of Providence, I would have been at their doorstep in a New York minute!

I was in my mid thirties before I got the chutzpah to begin the discernemtn process as I was in the middle of the annulment process. The deacon who served as my advocate began to nourish the seed in my heart to begin the process of finding a way to live the consecrated life. And search I did. While I don't deny that lay associations and third orders are not a vital element in the life of Catholicism, but I wanted a WAY OF LIFE, a vocation of consecration by serving the Lord with every good thing I accomplished and every minute of my life to be a prayer for Christ. I desired to be a sister to His Holy Mother. I was weary of wandering around in my life, seeking the Living among the dead.

I did become a vowed Companion of Jesus the Good Shepherd. I still, to this day, love St.Mary Euphrasia's charism and the companions and sisters will always be a dear part of my heart. But I was uncomfortable with the liberal and feminist attitudes among them. Then when the controversy of their relationship to the rest of the Good Shepherd Congregation became a huge hurdle to the organization, it was the first time I came face to face with a "prejudice" against women who had been married, along with opposition to consecrated women wearing a habit. Good Shepherds are benevolent, hospitable, kind hearted and most well meaning. But they, unfortunately, have also have fallen victim to the "secularization" that has infected so many Catholics in this current culture. This climate has also given birth to a deep distrust of secular consecrated lay persons and conservative charisms. The desire to live a way of life in and of the world in complete service and submission to God's will feels as if it is being cooked in a double boiler. The fire under the bowl that heats our faith burns under the container and slowly cooks and smooths our daily life. It is a method that most cooks avoid. It produces, however, a delicate, smooth, desirable confection that is rich in its sweetest ingredient: JESUS CHRIST.

I have been celibate since my civil divorce in 1989. I chose to remain friendly and helpful to my daughter's father. Satan bombarded me with insulting innuendo from those around me, accusing me of maintaining a conjugal relationship with him. Insulting. I only sought the annulment to "seal the deal", if you will. Not to be free to marry, but to be free for Christ and put him in the very center of my life and family. He has proven to be the best male role model for my two daughters of a single mother. And, I am firm in my belief that the success I enjoyed raising two devoutly Catholic Christian daughters is the direct result of my choosing Jesus ans my Divine Spouse and consecrating my single motherhood. I pray each day that I witness and model for other women who find themselves single parents. It is better for the children and such a comfort to a parent who must do it alone. What better support system can one find than Mother Church?

My vision for Oblate Sisters of Mary Magdalene is a congregation of unmarried women. It doesn't matter what brought or brings them to that state in life and Jesus loves us, just as much as he loved the Magdalen. He taps our shoulders and soothes our suffering and pain. He opens our eyes to help us stop "seeking the Living among the dead". The unmarried state in life is a dignified one.

Everlasting Love

2010-07-09T15:38:00.000-07:00

From Ken Burn's Civil War Documentary, this has to be my most favorite prose read during the entire series, with the beautiful "Ashokan Farewell" by Jim Bottorff in the background. I have no reason for posting this, other than I consider that we all love. :) It's lovely:

July 14, 1861
Camp Clark, Washington

My very dear Sarah:
The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days-perhaps tomorrow. Lest I should not be able to write again, I feel impelled to write a few lines that may fall under your eye when I shall be no more . . .

I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how strongly American Civilization now leans on the triumph of the Government and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and sufferings of the Revolution. And I am willing-perfectly willing-to lay down all my joys in this life, to help maintain this Government, and to pay that debt . . .

Sarah my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break; and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me unresistibly on with all these chains to the battle field.

The memories of the blissful moments I have spent with you come creeping over me, and I feel most gratified to God and to you that I have enjoyed them for so long. And hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes of future years, when, God willing, we might still have lived and loved together, and seen our sons grown up to honorable manhood, around us. I have, I know, but few and small claims upon Divine Providence, but something whispers to me-perhaps it is the wafted prayer of my little Edgar, that I shall return to my loved ones unharmed. If I do not my dear Sarah, never forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on the battle field, it will whisper your name. Forgive my many faults and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless and foolish I have often times been! How gladly would I wash out with my tears every little spot upon your happiness . . .

But, O Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the gladdest days and in the darkest nights . . . always, always, and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath, as the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by. Sarah do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again . . .
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I always need a tissue. Because he died two weeks after writing this to his dear wife.

A Midsummer's Thanksgiving

2010-07-04T15:13:00.001-07:00

We are already in midsummer! Summer isn't my favorite season, as I prefer spring or autumn, but this time around, it is particularly nice.

My older daughter, Rachel, became gravely ill for the second time in her life the beginning of April. She wasn't released from the hospital/nursing facility until June 3. She still has a blood clot near her heart, a side effect of the treatment for her rare blood condition. She takes daily injections for that, as there are only two designer medications to treat it. They're very expensive, as rare illnesses usually are to treat, but God is good and blessed us with assistance from the pharmaceutical company.

The days that Rachel spent close to death were the most difficult of my life. Even more so than when she was first ill at eleven years old, because this time around, I was more familiar with the potential dangers and the realization that it is going to be an issue for her to stay alive for the rest of her life. To add to that angst, TTP affects the cognitive thinking of its victim. She was refusing treatment and would thrash around, the slightest bump and she would bleed to death. She wanted to be home and watching her pain was equally as painful for me. But again, God is good and he spoke to me through a surprising (to me) source.

My younger daughter, Monique, was my rock. She kept holding me, reminding me that God isn't finished with Rachel yet. That He, in His infinite wisdom, uses physicians, nurses and other health care professionals to make sure that she is treated well & that He uses them as guardian angels. Then she reminded me that we are all part of His plan and we have to remain on his path, regardless of the hardships, to do His will and reap His reward. All this wisdom from an 18 year old diva!

Living as an Oblate Sister of Mary Magdalene, I didn't take a break from my prayer regimen, but I added to it. I never realized just how much prayer we humans can actually fit into a 24 hour day. I woke up nights, anxious with worry, and sat on the edge of my bed (because I can no longer kneel :-( ) and immersed myself in prayer. I discovered that on the local Catholic radio station, I can pray the Divine Chaplet at 3pm each afternoon! And, I never engaged so many prayer warriors in my life. As frustrated as Rachel was, she had many many visitors, from her job, from the neighborhood, from Church and other non Catholic Christian friends.

One humorous break we were afforded was particularly.... ironic? Due to a clerical error when Rachel was admitted to the Catholic hospital, she was listed as having no religion. We asked everyone on staff, including a couple of the non Catholic Christian chaplains available to us, that she (and I) wanted to receive The Eucharist. It wasn't until three days before her release to the nursing home, a lovely lady rabbi corrected the situation and made sure that she was visited by a Eucharistic Minister every day.... Yes, America, it took a JEWISH RABBI to help the Catholic practice her faith!

So, while I was blessed with a beautiful Easter Sunday, I wasn't given a nice spring and I missed most of spring altogether! But now, here it is the 4th of July and we are grilling jumbo beef hot dogs & steak, eating potato salad, baked beans, tossed salad and corn & bean salad.... Momo and Rachel are enjoying all of the firework displays in the area, Rachel participated in the Doo Da Parade (yick) and both of them are spending time at the pool, imitating dolphins. This is the best Thanksgiving I have ever had on the 4th of July!

An Urgent Call to Consecrate Single Motherhood

2010-03-22T18:37:00.000-07:00

Last week, in the city of Columbus Ohio, there was a beautiful, 4 year old boy named Lawrence King III. The operative word is "was". This handsome, mildly developmentally handicapped, vibrant, young man was taken to Children's Hospital completely bruised and beaten all over his innocent body. He was dead on arrival. He had just been returned to his family two days before from Child Protective Services.

The mother has been indicted for criminal child endangerment. That is because her so-called husband, father of her younger child, but not a father to Lawrence, was charged for capital murder in the boy's death.

In my last discussion of this topic, I mentioned some behavior from the pride mentality of felines. The mother cat hides her babies or leaves another mother in charge to protect them while she hunts for food. If a male who hasn't sired them finds them, he will kill them all, so that HIS BLOODLINE can flourish. I am firm in my belief that humans are vulnerable to the same "instinctive behavior". The step father, or step mother, for that matter, who takes another's offspring as their own is rare. It's a beautiful thing, to be sure. It's just not a sure thing.

Now, I lament that I wish the young boy's mother knew that she had self worth regardless of whether there is a man in her life or not. I wish she had a model of a fulfilling lifestyle without companionship, at least while she is raising her young. Maybe she should have left Lawrence with his grandmother or maybe an aunt after her new marriage. I saw her mother on TV, tearfully expressing these same thoughts.

I take it one step further, mothers who find themselves single for whatever circumstance must make their children their first responsibility and priority. Dating comes third. Taking care of yourself would be in second place. These women need to know how to manage their lives and support for the loneliness that comes with single parenthood. They need Jesus as the spouse who models for their children. That is how I raised my two daughters, one by birth, the other a special needs adoption (her special need was being African American and over the age of three). I wanted to model for them that it is possible to be a single mother and retain your dignity and piety. My daughters, 18 & 29, are both virgins. In fact, the younger one once said a couple of years ago, "Mom, there is this girl in my class, she is a freshman, AND SHE IS PREGNANT! She isn't even still dating the father! Isn't that stupid? I guess she doesn't believe in a future for herself."

No, I'm not the model mom or the best parent on the planet. Far from. But I am a blessed mother, who proves that, WITH GOD, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.

More Forgiveness

2010-03-22T18:23:00.000-07:00

I think I missed something in my last writing about forgiving. I am not going to back track on self forgiveness, but clarify forgiving others.

Forgiveness doesn't mean you condone bad behavior or to have to socialize with an offender. People who offend should take their victims as they come, and sometimes {sadly), their victims are fragile.

Now an admonishment for the victims. Think about the culpable situation. What ever the experience, all day long, you need to make a decision about choices and happenings. You should be discerning, "...is that from God or the Evil One?" If it makes you smile without any encroachment on your morals, it is from God. If it makes you feel bad, it simply is not from The Saviour, but from Satan. Plain and simple.

Now let's finish the logic here. Satan is a liar. He will spare no expense to defeat you and keep you from the Living Christ. Most especially the closer you get to God, the more work he will do and pull out all the stops. People living the consecrated life know this all to well. He made a sweet, red apple poison to the human condition, so the lies he is telling you are just not true and you must let that go.

Also, just as the offender has to take his victims as they come, the victims must think the same about the offender. Maybe they are compensating for a perceived short coming. Maybe they are angry with a spouse, neighbor, boss or co worker. Bottom line, they just simply make the wrong choice. What they need from you isn't self pity or cowardly thinking. What they need are your prayers.

Move on and focus on THE TRUTH IN THE WORD MADE FLESH. That is one key element into learning true forgiveness.

Forgiveness

2010-02-26T13:25:00.000-08:00

I feel that forgiveness is the toughest nut to crack next to submitting to God's will. Actually, they probably run hand in hand. Because in order to do the latter, you must overcome the former. Forgiving is probably the most misunderstood feeling as well.

The reason it is so difficult is because it takes so long to master the key ingredient: forgiving YOURSELF. We never see that, directing our frustration and anger at someone else or some outside irritation. Looking inside one's self and embracing all that is you is rendered deceiving by the ego, which is desperate to cover our failings. Even people who claim to be self loathing don't realize this is the root cause. Our hearts are so fragile, the wall of unforgiving her is protected by this ignorance (not in the negative of the sense, but the literal meaning).

I came to this epiphany through an interesting course of recent events. First I was reading a blog about bereavement, and the writer mentioned that part of the grieving process was forgiveness of self. Forgiving yourself for the anger you harbor against the deceased. A light bulb with some curiosity lit over my head. Then, I had a phone conversation with a relative where that same subject came up. She mentioned that she was surprised that I hold so many fond memories of my growing up years. Yes, they were rocky. I grew up in a predominantly white neighborhood and dealt with extreme forms of racism. I was the most unpopular person in my class, you know, "...those of us whose names were never called, when choosing sides for basketball". Moreover, it became more brutal when I entered high school. Daily remarks, being called the "n" word over and over and no chance at romance. There was no pool of black males from which to choose. It was brutally painful and I soaked many pillows to sleep.

Yet, I remember my fathers wonderful sense of humor, loving chats with my wonderful mom as she made biscuits and how I relentlessly teased my sisters. I babysat for a charming family who lived across the street. My mother didn't like soap operas and forbid them on the TV, so I befriended a nice elderly lady who also lived close by and would visit her every summer afternoon to watch "As the World Turns" with her as she fed me tea and cookies. I still laugh at pranks some of the boys made in class. I smile when I think of the time I bought my first mohair sweater and a matching kilt and knee high socks. Penny loafers, I bought those too. I had a wonderful family, regardless of outside negativity.

I believe that we are all the sum total of all our experiences. The good helps us to love, the bad give us character and strength.

The icing on the cake happened on Facebook, of all places. After I resisted being a part of that social network, I began to connect with people I knew as a child and the women who graduated high school with me (then an all girls boarding school, Andrews School for Girls), where I was sent by my parents to finish high school. I had threatened to drop out if I had to attend school with those people anymore. Now, I still only have two friends from my class in my "hometown", but several of my older sisters' class mates have added me. I had one add request from a woman whose name I did not recognize. I play the virtual game "Sorority Life" on Facebook, and I thought she was one of those players. Then, I noticed one of my homies had her listed as a mutual friend. So, I revisited her profile. The face looked slightly familiar, but I couldn't place it or her name. Finally, an embarrassed me wrote her a message confessing my ignorance and asking for her unmarried name. She answered me without divulging the name, but saying that she was in my older sister's class. Then it hit me! If you had asked me 30 years ago, I would say that her brother was, single handedly, the person who ruined my teenage years! She was probably still contrite about that experience and perhaps afraid I wouldn't add her if I was aware of who her family is. I had a good laugh. I even called my sister and told her about it. She laughed too, and said, "It's a good thing that you can laugh about it." It is.

What does this have to do with self forgiveness? Well, I forgave myself for believing all of those nasty things people said about and to me. It was so long ago and her brother was a child. SHE cannot be responsible for anything some other member of her family may have done. And, if her brother was someone who requested an add, I would add him too. I love God, so I love everyone. He who is Mighty has healed my damaged soul and forgives us all. I imitate Christ. I recognize that if I do love Christ as much as I claim, if I am to be a consecrated religious, I must reconcile myself to anyone in my past who may have given me an experience of pain. EVERYONE. Forgiveness of ourselves is more proof of God's existence and the salvation that is found through Jesus Christ.

I am a happy woman. I feel honored that Christ chose me to be His bride!

Grease is the Word

2010-01-15T21:54:00.000-08:00

First, allow me to apologize for my hiatus, I made as merry an Advent and a Christmas season as any mortal. But it is something that puts a smile on my face, because we emphasized family, gifts from the heart, quiet family time that is more fun than any "club" or pre 30-ish peer could offer. We gave gifts to the people who we remember as those who make our LIVES merry, not just a holiday bright. My younger daughter said it was the one Christmas she will always remember as her best.

Now, I am inspired by one of her gifts. She has long asked for the DVD, "Les Miserables" (which she called "LESS MIZERABLES"....smile again). You see, both of my 21st Century daughters have a love for old fashioned MUSICALS. Not just those of which I made a lark in MY teens, "Oklahoma", "Bali Hi".... no, they love "Grease", "Phantom of the Opera", "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat" et al. And I shake my head indisdain of "corny" literature, as if I am the artistic elite and I of all people know truly artistic excellence when I see it....NOT! The younger berated me for criticizing "The King and I".... ah me!

But, "Les Miserables", originally a novel by Victor Hugo, was indeed NOT a musical, but a dramatically superior interpretation of the novel, starring Liam Nieson, Uma Thurman and Geoffry Rush (Academy Award Winner) in the late 90's. Beautiful and charming cinematography, child acting that wasn't stiff, pasty child acting, believable characters and most surprising, *GASP*, Mother Church was not portrayed as the underlying villain of society, but the point in the journey of life that directed the traveler to the path of His Will!

The thief, Jean Val Jean was taken in at a low point in his life by a benevolent bishop, who, even though Val Jean had beat and stolen from him, gave him a second chance at life. The bishop's mercy and kindness allowed him to, "... buy back Val Jean's soul and give it to God." Something Val Jean never forgot. The film follows his life, attempting to do nothing but what Jesus would do, but also how modern day "Pharisees" can be misguided, while their intention is for the good of society.

So, one message I have for all of you who have avoided this film for fear of getting trapped in a boring, corny, sappy, pie-in-the-sky" musical with too many blond pony tails and red lipstick, take heart. It is truly a masterful rendering of Victor Hugo's novel and I am sure Hugo is most impressed.

We all, not only during December and January holidays attempt to "do right". Even now, and I'm not discouraging it, but we take particular solace in our efforts to ease the suffering of the least of us in Haiti, as Jesus has directed. This is not wrong, but how many of us who are Whole Bible Christians who make a concerted effort to live that doctrine 365 days a year? When we pass the "vagrant" on the street with the sign "Will work for food" either scoff at the fact that it's a veiled attempt to pan handle or ignore them, because they "make themselves poor", thus missing the opportunity to give them a "goodie bag" with maybe a cereal bar, box of juice and a holy card with the address of a nearby parish? Or, when we snicker at the woman who stays home with her child and goes to some private school to learn a trade as a phlebotomist at the age of forty, and we know they may be involved in alcohol or drugs and/or non sacramental relationships, lift our noses, knowing that WE are the pious person who works, attends school, honors our parents, cares for our spouses and children, attends mass weekly, visits the Sacraments, prays the Rosary..... or you forget the value of a Holy Card, the information on a caring parish.... or rather than simply protest (A GOOD THING BTW) an abortion mill, offer the confused pregnant woman some REAL options and support, rather than a sermon?

We all mean well. There is no reason to hang our heads, but we should rethink our actions, maybe thinking "outside the proverbial box" to solve life's challenges. To better Imitate Christ.

I am stuck on simple, modern films that teach simple timeless lessons in life. Jane Austen stories on film and Victor Hugo's "Les Miserables" reminded me of these things. It took a wise teenager (now, where did she get that from?) to take her Old School mom BACK to school :)

'Tis the season...

2009-11-28T12:46:00.000-08:00

Autumn is my favorite time of the year. It starts with the smell of aging maple leaves and the collage of color that is nature. It ends with a warm place to read a book and a search for good leftover recipes. It is naturally a reflective time. The year is coming to a close, the feast of All Saints and a month of remembering loved ones who past away is the center of the season. In Ohio, the crops have been harvested and cooking takes on a warm, aromatic, comfort-food smell that fills the world. The highlight of my day is evening prayer followed by snuggling into a relaxing spot and reading just what you want to read. In my case, that is a newspaper, a true crime book, something on Sacred Scripture or my faith... almost anything but fiction. I like the quiet hour and let my mind wander to all of my happy places, alone with God, my only companion, for conversation.

Reading and reflection are a preferred pass time for me. There is nothing more intimate than reading. The only sense engaged, if you are a seeing person, is sight. No words are spoken aloud and only you are privy to what your mind holds and The Lord's Sacred Heart is the only one who knows what is being experienced. You give away the control of your thoughts to God and He helps you interpret the writing of another soul. There is nothing more satisfying than experiencing the purity of His Will that is found in this activity.

I also like the happy laughter of children playing outside, completely enjoying what nature has left for them to play & the final hours of sunlight which grow shorter as the season progresses. The changing landscape offers divergent fodder for their imaginations and they are happy to share it with you through the joyful noise they make. Then, involuntarily, you are given another memory moment: your own childhood laughter as you slam into a pile of raked leaves or play touch football with a reasonably sized gourd. God blesses children with the most athletic period of their lives. Pound for pound, children are the most physically efficient creatures among all mammals. I remember feats of daring that I was so eager to attempt then, but cannot remember when I lost "the nerve". Thankfully, I never lost the laughter and re experience it every fall.

So, I suppose that autumn is the most likely time for Thanksgiving. All generations gathering together, celebrating everything that makes our lives special and thanking Our Lord and Saviour for allowing us to have those things in our lives. As I sat at the dinner table with my dear Uncle Norris & Aunt Ruth, who had led the Thanksgiving prayer thanking us for the ability to have this year's gathering, it made for most pleasant dining. I will cherish that moment forever, as both of them, who have no grown children or grandchildren, both gushed with pride and reflected with teary eyes on the memories of their two daughters, both of whom went Home to Jesus as babies. What a testament to the sanctity of life! Their love for each other is so incredible, two people in their 80's who are just as in love as they were almost 60 years ago. They are fully aware of exactly how special, how worthy of thanks the life they were given together and gifted by God as their children to have received. They shared that example of Christ's love with me and my daughters. Both girls gathered memories like those that I have of the season.

Now, Advent is upon us and how appropriate the season to follow Thanksgiving. A month to again reflect and prepare for the coming of Jesus Christ. I happily put the Advent Wreath in the center of the dining table. From that wreath will flow the makings of Christmas decorations and plans for the Christmas season begin to take shape. I can think of no better way to conclude one year and begin another! The simpler the celebrations, the happier we seem to be. Joyous, humble, pious is the Child in the manger. Yes, autumn gives us a time of reflection and preparation for the One who leaves a smile on my face.

A Penitent: from a negative to a positive

2009-10-18T11:44:00.000-07:00

I had a conversation with a friend who viewed a website for a new charism by Cloister Outreach. I honestly cannot remember which prospective community it was, but I do remember her asking me in disbelief, "It actually says it is for 'PENITENTS'!" That is when it occurred to me that there is a wealth of misconceptions about that term. It has a negative connotation, which it doesn't deserve. Being a penitent is no worse, nor much different, from being a convert. A penitent is someone who has repented from his lifestyle and/or beliefs away from God and changes his life's path to one in the direction of the Holy One.

One doesn't have to be a gambling or drug addict who converts. Nor are all women who are penitents former prostitutes. This group of people have no doubt the need for conversion, but that is something that happens (or not) in Gods way and as a product of the person's free will. Moreover, those who seek to assist and convert people who are deep into the world of drugs or the illegal/immoral sex trade, just cannot approach it the way the Good Shepherds did after the French Revolution or even as they did in the stories I heard while in formation as a Good Shepherd Companion. As recently as the early to mid 20th Century, the sisters would actually walk into a bar and retrieve the wayward ward in their charge, and the patrons of the pub would applaud. Any intervention like that today could and probably would end the good sister in the hospital or morgue.

There is also the historical "mis notion" that St. Mary Magdalene was a prostitute. No where in the Bible does it say that she engaged in the world's oldest profession. In Christ's time, a woman who was lacking in rank was one who had no man to support her. Remember, women had no legal means of supporting themselves. That happens to be an issue for women in our culture up through the 19th Century and still exists in some cultures today, particularly in the Middle East. If you had relations with a man back then, while it was probably as rampant as it has always been, and were caught, then you could be stoned. We do know that Mary of Magdala was a woman of the world, who found the Love in Jesus Christ that was lacking in her life. This latter fact is something that is experienced by many, many people in the world today. A penitent woman today doesn't need to be engaged in prostitution to have that descriptive title any more than the venerable Magdalen.

We are living in what Pope John Paul II the Great called "a culture of death". This is more than contemporary society's view of abortion, euthanasia or the death penalty. It is the direction of people's lives away from God, period. People who search for the meaning of life are turning to new age, pagan belief systems. Some have no moral compass at all, rejecting what may have been taught them as a young child, due to parental figures seen as hypocrites or by the influence of their peers, in search of that perfectly perfect "good time". Since we have taken away the stigma of being a single mother (a good thing, because it is pro-life), we seem to have also given young adults the idea that it is a lifestyle choice. While watching a TV documentary about the rising number of single parent families and young people choosing to live together as a family without the benefit of marriage, the majority of the females interviewed believed that it wasn't necessary to have a father in the home. The various methods of birth control offered (and I feel pushed upon) young women today not only adds to this misguided idea, but also makes having sex simply a form of recreation that is every humans "right". The Sacrament of Marriage is way outside of their radar. But if just one of these young people decide to purge their worldly lifestyle and follow Him, they are a penitent. That is a good thing.

Moreover, adding to the group are people who are divorced, engaged in a nonsacramental union, single and not living a life of chastity as God prefers and an entire host of people who are ignoring God in their lives. Any one of these people, good people, who choose the path of righteousness and to imitate Christ will be a penitent.

I became a Catholic at the age of 20. I had a good time in college back in the 70's and it involved a lot of partying. I wasn't a bad person, but I wasn't living His will. I married because I felt it was what an "aging spinster" like myself had to do and that was a mistake. It was the annulment process that opened my heart to conversion. I liken myself to the Magdalen, as she went to the tomb of Jesus on the day of the Resurrection. I sought the Living among the dead in the way I lived my life and even in my first attempts at discerning a vocation. But, as I heard in a homily one day, all I had to do was turn around. Jesus was there all the time. I had to recognize him and declare, "Rabboni"! I am now officially a penitent. And, not only is it a good thing, I am proud of it.

Ben Stein's Blog, not his money :)

2009-10-01T09:48:00.000-07:00

I received this letter from Ben Stein to CBS' Morning Show today. I have seen it before and have always liked it, but feared the legitimacy of its authorship. So, I checked out www.snopes.com and lo and behold, it is correctly credited to the man whose name tops it. I have been too busy over the past month with a variety of endeavors, so I am taking a break and re posting this letter. I hope you enjoy it.

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The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.

My confession:

I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees, Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are, Christmas trees.

It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, 'Merry Christmas' to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu . If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from, that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to.

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her 'How could God let something like this happen?' (regarding Hurricane Katrina).. Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, 'I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?'

In light of recent events... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc.. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill; thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave, because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said okay..

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves..

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Are you laughing yet?

Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.

Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.

Pass it on if you think it has merit.

If not, then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.

My Best Regards, Honestly and respectfully,

Ben Stein

The Case for Consecrating Single Motherhood

2009-08-19T12:49:00.000-07:00

I remember watching a National Geographic special about felines. A cat is a cat is a cat. All felines, large, wild, feral and domesticated are the same. Their bone structures are the same, fur patterns and coloring, instincts, all the same. One of the most interesting features of all cats is the "pride mentality". Males are dominant, and when a female has a litter, she solicits other mothers to watch her babies when she goes in search of food. If there isn't another female available, she will try to make sure she has them in the safest spot possible. The reason for this is because a different male cat who didn't sire her cubs will kill them, so he can impregnate her with his blood line. The optimum model for the pride, however, is one male with approximately three females. Then, he will guard the safety of his offspring.

When I saw this, I began to think of how many children are assaulted by their mother's "boyfriend". Notice the next time there is a sad story about child abuse and just read farther into the story. Usually, the mother entrusted her baby with a boyfriend to babysit, while she works or shops. I believe there is an "animal instinct" at play here. Also note how many single mothers lament the difficulty they have finding a mate. There is nothing more pain staking than the task of a woman who is widowed or separated to find another. Moreover, in our culture, women are still judged on their ability to attract a man. So many women believe that there is no other way to live out their life with dignity unless they have a husband or live-in love. Women are in search of their soul mate.

Of course, I would never imply that one should aspire single motherhood, condone promiscuity nor that it is the ideal lifestyle for a child. And, our culture of death has been so successful of late in destroying the family unit. This is also, in my opinion, the reason so many young women consider abortion as the solution for a pregnancy outside of a relationship with a supportive man. If she wants to live her "ideal life", she may feel the necessity to not have a child "in the way". Yes, it is a "difficult" decision, but there is so much more at play here than any political opinion about abortions. I maintain that it is another form of that primal, animal instinct, as opposed to maternal consideration and caring for her baby.

That brings me to another fascinating piece of information. This one is about the history of human primates. The one form of ancient people that didn't prosper and ultimately have lineage to modern times is the Neanderthal. The reason for their dying out is attributed to the fact that their males and females did not live together. Women were pretty much bred the same as other mammals, but when she had male offspring, he left to live with males once he reached puberty. There was no family unit. There were no mixed sex tribes or communities. So, no person living today is in line with a Neanderthal, because like the Shakers of 18th and 19th Century, their numbers died out. That is why the family unit is God's plan. He wanted to insure that His children multiplied successfully. Well, that's my take on it anyway.

Sadly, the majority of African American families are single parent families, usually maternal. The number among the rest of the population is on the rise and males are breeding multiple women like a big cat. "Baby Mama" and "Baby Daddy" are clearly understood terms in the English vernacular, especially in the US.

Because of our societal stigma heaped on single women, her self esteem is directly linked to her "attractiveness" and the quality of her parenting is the first to suffer. Women will engage more and more in less desirable mating experiments and make increasingly more ill advised decisions with respect to her responsibility for their children.

Now, we come to the time in my life as a single mother that gave me the epiphany to imitate the Holy Mother and St. Mary Magdalene as I do now. As my older birth daughter, Rachel, pointed out to me when she was but 10, I tried, "... a lot of men to fall in love with me". Those words really hurt. I had just reported a man I was seeing to the local authorities once I discovered he was trying to groom me to allow him perverted access to my child. That was also when I realized that my first responsibility was to Rachel, not my romantic life.

Yes, I still knew that I loved parenting and desired more than one child. As I was going through the annulment process, the deacon who was my advocate reassured me that there are many options available to live out my love for children that was on a more holy and noble path. He also assured me that a second vocation as a consecrated lay woman was a realistic aspiration as well. That is when I first discovered secular institutes and made the connection between my role as a mother without a man to help and the consecrated life. I adopted my younger child, Monique, because it was a more chaste way to be a mother than find a sire or pay for artificial insemination from a donor. I believed that there was a woman out there who would be brave enough and love her baby enough to carry her to term for me and allow me to raise her. And, thanks to St. Mary Euphrasia Pelletier, there was.

One of the things I would like to accomplish through my consecration as an Oblate Sister of Mary Magdalene is to witness to the world that single motherhood can not only be lived piously and in accordance with God's plan, but it builds personal character and fortitude. My children were raised in the Church, not with a live-in father nor romantic interest for me. Instead, they have holy men and Christ to be both a spouse for me and Father for them. You can be happy. You can love yourself. You can be in complete control of your home and life and maintain all of the dignity you were given at birth as a child of God.

The trick is going to be not just finding other women who desire to follow my path, but convincing the Church hierarchy, other consecrated women and other people in general that consecrating the situation of single motherhood is noble and possible.

Annulments- The hidden treasure of the Catholic Faith

2009-07-05T21:41:00.000-07:00

If I had a dime for each time someone questioned the Catholic Church for the annulment process, someone who poo-poohed it, people who say it "illegitimizes" the children who are a product of an annulled union.... etc.... I would never have to worry about my income again! Of all the misunderstood aspects of Mother Church's life for her people, I would venture to say this is at the top.

It has received so much bad press from the non Cathlic media, that it is no wonder people are so afraid of it. I have a non Catholic friend who claims a religious sister called her to grill her about her failed marriage. Apparently, he was getting an annulment to marry another young woman (a union that didn't last, because anyone who follows a faith on the instructions of their male body's appendage is rowing thier boat with one broken oar). My dear friend was understandibly resentful of the allegations. But did she express her anger at the real person behind the probe? No, she just thought it was a "viscious nun" who was bent on making her out to be something she is not. I asked her why that particular interrogation was so hurtful, and she said it's because she felt that the sister represented the Church and that it was beyond cruel. *the blogger sighs & shakes her head*

First, I reminded her that since she has known me, not the Canonical investigator, that I am the practicing Catholic who should be the apologist for any misunderstandings she holds about Mother Church. Secondly, I tried to remind her that but for her ex's actions, she wouldn't have gone through that hurtful exchange. Women never blame the man when matters of their less than successful unions arise. That goes for people jealous of "the other woman" or the cheating female in the illicit duo. Women in our society have so much invested in being the nurturer who keeps the marriage glued together. And whether, in this day and age of "feminism", most or many of us need to acknowledge that we are not judged by whether or not we are in a relationship or if it works or not. *blogger sighs & shakes her head yet AGAIN!

It took me a good three years to complete my annulment paperwork, for a variety of reasons. I wanted one so that I may pursue my hearts mission of living the consecrated life and to make sure that all ties to him in the marital realm were squashed. I also happened to have an advocate who had too many things on his plate. He did, however, before the annulment was granted, hear my very personal and private vows of the Evangelical Counsels, as I committed to a life as such, regardless of whether the annulment was granted or not. Of course it was, but I'm just sayin'....

Now, first, before I get into all the positives that ARE the action of going through a Catholic annulment, it is important to at least pursue one to the best of your ability. If you do not have an advocate, contact the Tribunal office, as they should have people with whom you may connect. If you are cash strapped (very often the case for women), many diocese have funds to assist you. I went to a seminar for perspective candidates for annulments and a few men stomped out. One I was able to catch and ask him to put on his listening ears. With much trepidation, he listened to me and was surprised. Why? BECAUSE THE KEY IS TO SIMPLY GO THROUGH THE PROCESS OR MAKE AN EARNEST ATTEMPT. Yes, there is always the possibility that yours will be denied, or you just can't get the money together. You may feel like it's just another opportunity to go through the pain of mourning the loss of your marital relationship all over again. However, I submit that those sorts of feelings are neither wrong nor serve no purpose.

When I began my process,which coincided with the advent of the discernment phase of my life (one which, I feel will always be an ongoing process), I was feeling overwhelmed at all I had to do. I procrastinated filling out my part. But, as I finally took on that task, I discovered a beautiful side of myself.

I first realized that I am NOT a wife or simply a mother. I am me. All of me, beautiful and ugly. You see, if you complete the form and answer its questions with all the sincerity you own, you must face yourself and your part in any or all of went wrong. You really see yourself as the flawed creation of God that those of us who, unlike the Holy Mother, was born with the stain of original sin and, good gravy, do we live up to every moment of it! You have to search your soul and recognize, most often, how immature or misguided we were in choosing to go through with a covenential commitment. You see every wart in your actions and behaviors. That is an eye opener one never expects.

However, with that self revelation comes a beautiful, blue, loving conversion of your heart. You may already be a devout Catholic Christian, but this deepens that devotion in words that even I (the worlds foremost purveyor of baloney in my orations) wasn't expecting to feel. Very often, as I wrote my admissions, my eyes would well up and I would smell roses, the gift I have been given my Our Lord to let me know that my true spiritual director, His dear mother, was with me to help in guiding my path. Once I completed that form and turned it in, I felt like I had lost 20 pounds.... unfortunatley I didn't physically, but at least I felt it! ;-)

A few more myths to knock down: NO, your children are not illegitimate and keep ties to their father. Just as no unborn child chooses their parents, the lifestyle in which they were initiated, your children do not inherit errors in judgement that the parents or parent may have made. Annulment doesn't mean the marriage did not exist. It means that THE MARRIAGE WAS NOT SACRAMENTAL IN THE EYES OF THE CHURCH. Nothing is invalidated. So, to quote Barney Fife, I want to NIP THAT IN THE BUD!

The next truth that people seem to be unaware, is that if you are unable to obtain church annulment, you are not doomed. THE IMPORTANT THING IS TO GO THROUGH THE PROCESS! You must at least make your best attempt. There are remedies such as dispensation from your situation. Or, you maybe able to clear it up in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Your priest with whom you have established a raport might vouch for you. Even if you are living with a spouse, let's say for an example, a loved one who is dying or has a form a dimentia that is irreversable, if you commit to living a life of chastity, again you might be able.

With my Oblate Sisters of Mary Magdalene, I recognize that some women are already married and living a consecrated vocation or women who for a variety of reasons just don't feel they are a candidate for annulment, I have provisions to still accept them into my religious fold. We have the Intercessors program. These might be women who fell into my first category or the latter. If you are married, you may continue to live that beautiful vocation, with no interference by OSMM, but you must obtain your husband's permission. You may take a promise to "pray without ceasing" and learn our charism and rule. Since you are already "a secular", we cannot interfere with His love and plan for you. For another exampe, everyone else, if you are awaiting to hear from the tribual with a yay or nay, you can still make that promise. Most especially for the latter, you may make that personal and private commitment with the clergy member of your choosing. Then, if he will also submit a letter of recommendation for you. As long as you living a chaste lifestyle and live the life or the OSMM, you will still be a sister equal to all other consecrated members. Never panic when this becomes an "issue" for you. With God, all things are possible. And, for me and my house, we will serve The Lord".... that is from my only Kincaid print AND Sacred Scripture! :D

May God's love continue to surround you and be your beacon of hope on your journey.

Pray for the Beatification of Pope John Paul II

2009-06-05T12:04:00.000-07:00

I was reminded of something today. As I opened my daily newsletter from New Advent, the first topic that caught my eye was the one about the beatification of our beloved Pope John Paul II. A living saint when he was the pontiff and tough shoes for the present Pope Benedict to fill, the process that will lead to his canonization will be no surprise for those of us who were so blessed to live Catholic during his leadership. They are waiting for a miracle.

The article hinted to the process to begin soon and advised people to not be surprised how quickly it may come. My mind went back to all of the wonders of his life. Coming of age in Poland, fighting Communism, rallying young people (the older he got, the more youth were drawn to him), giving a sympathetic ear to the apparitions in Medjugore while he was unable to publicly declare them legitimate, fighting for human rights and the rights of the unborn.... there are to many marvelous aspects of his days with us, that I cannot list them all. I think the thing about him that is dearest to my heart, is that my devotion to Mother Church swelled under his authority. While I have been practicing the majority of my life, I felt this holy man's presence at so many times in my life, I feel he worked a personal miracle for me. With him as our pope, I felt free to grow in my love for Christ and His Church.

I plan to make a point of praying now with the intention of his beatification being a special part.

You may read this article at http://www.catholicnewsagency.com/new.php?n=16202.

My Favorite Mother's Day

2009-05-09T19:22:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe that it has taken me this long to share the one Mother's Day in my life as a mom. It has been sometime, but every time since that this day rolls around, I think of this.

I adopted Monique on May 27, 1997. She had been living with me since her 5th birthday on October 19, 1996. I had been in the county children services adoption process for over two years and she was the answer to prayers. Literally.

I was associated with the Companions of Jesus the Good Shepherd, a group connected to the Good Shepherd Sisters of North America. The foundress, St. Mary Euphrasia Peletier, was the first woman to found a congregation of women that not only had no male counter part in its roots, but allowed penitent women to become sisters. Now, if you were a young woman of means, you would be a choir sister. Middle class sisters became the active religious. The penitents were the Magdalens and didn't live in community with the other contemplative or active religious sisters. In deed, some of them lived at home during the evenings, but spent their days with the congregation, doing the work of the Good Shepherds, albeit what we may call this day "grunt work". Bottom line, the benevolent foundress' charism was to show love, compassion and refuge to disenfranchised women and children.

It was to this favored saint of mine that I prayed a nine day novena before 11 am each day, along with an Our Father, a Hail Mary and a Glory Be. On the 9th day, at 11:05 am, my social worker called and told me they had a little girl named Monique that they have matched to me. She moved in on her birthday and two weeks later, even though the adoption was far from final and, to be honest, it wasn't "legal", I had her baptized Monique Marie Euphrasia, in thanksgiving to our favorite saints.

Then, comes the month of May, with Mother's Day just three weeks before our court date, my older 16 year old daughter and Monique had planned the perfect day for me. We attended mass in the morning, after which Rachel gave me a carnation and Monique gave me a beautiful, Japanese painted rock, decorated with a pink orchid (a re gifted item that my sister had given me years before, but she found it, liked it, wrapped it and re gifted it.... it is still to this day my favorite).

Then, they banished me to my room, to watch TV and videos, while they prepared my "surprise" spaghetti dinner. It was a surprise, because I wasn't supposed to know what they were cooking, as if the scent didn't give away a thing....

The dialogue down the hall was like listening to an old Abbot & Costello radio broadcast. "Mom! She won't let me help!" "Mom, she doesn't know how to set the table." "Mom! Can .... come back there with you?!" "No, YOU go back there!"

Finally, dinner was served and it tasted superb! Of course it did. It doesn't matter what was on the menu, I didn't have to cook it and it was prepared with love.

At the end of the day, I put Monique in her nightly bubble bath. She splashed, played and sung as usual. I was across the hall in my room, on the phone with one of my sisters. I told her, "...it was the best Mother's Day. I really enjoyed it." And from across the hall, a little voice shouted, "Me too!"

Happy Mothers Day!

Deliver us from evil

2009-04-28T18:15:00.000-07:00

I am the type of person who spends a lot of time in reflection. I have no reason, but I try to glean some wisdom from experience, especially now that I officially have some :) Last night, I was remembering a brief conversation with an agnostic young man who was resolved never to get caught up in religion again. He had fallen in love with a young Mormon girl and tried to enter that church. The break up was acrimonious, and left a bad taste in his mouth.

He couldn't get past the notion of original sin. He said that he cannot reconcile a loving God with His creations being inherently "bad". There was no phrasing it in a way that he would hear. Each attempt I made was rejected with hostility. Well, I let go and let God, because if he wants to go through life making excuses for his mistakes and rationalizing negative behaviors, with prayer from believers, he will recognize that there IS such a thing as right and wrong.

Then, my mind went to another conversation, this time with a searching, young teenage woman. She said that the concept of purgatory bothered her, that it makes her want to turn away from God. Now at least with her, there was the belief in a Loving and Living God, so I was able to get my foot in the door.

First, I was able to tell her that purgatory is a spiritual cleansing period, because she cannot be presented to the Father with an unclean soul. That, she said was insulting, because that is saying God doesn't love her the way she is.

Aha! I said, it proves that He does love her, the real her, not the one who may have done something she didn't confess, the original sin side in us all. He wants to see her as beautiful as she was the day He made her.

It just happened to be a time when she and one of my daughters were getting ready for prom. I told her, "Okay, so, when you go to the prom, you won't need this dress or the new hair do. Don't get your nails done, don't put on make up and GOD FORBID you take a shower!" She just laughed. So I explained that what could be more important than a prom? That would be going before the King of Kings, the Most High. Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ! Purgatory is painful, because you are removed from God's presence, but you will not STAY there, and when you are presented before God, you will be clean, as Adam and Eve were when He first created them.

Well, she waived me off, and continued shopping for the perfect pair of shoes. But you know, I spoke with her dear mother about ten years later. Her daughter is considering consecrated life even though her mom feels she is too young. And, she might be, because I don't know her as her mother does. But, it turns out that pooh-poohed conversation had an impact that I didn't know about!

You never know when you will make a difference. Even the smallest gesture of kindness or even unsolicited advice can make a big change in someone's heart. I wonder what that young man is doing these days?

CONVERTS RULE & here is one reason why....

2009-03-29T23:49:00.000-07:00

Okay, don't worry about me coming up with several verbose reasons that Catholic Converts rule (even though we do... in fact we ROCK), but I was so inspired in a conversation with a fellow Oblate Sister of Mary Magdalene. In fact it was Sr. Magdalen who inspired me to explain in detail my reasons for making that broad brush stroke statement. You see, a convert to Catholicism is much like a person who used to be fat or an ex-smoker, almost obsessive in their zeal to reveal "the truth".

Now naturally, the Sacrament that is most dear to our hearts as it is to all Catholics, is the Eucharist. It is receiving the True Presence of Christ, available to us almost every day, that we can boast being THE one component of our faith where we know what non Catholics are missing. I heard one of my favorite priests say in a homily that he read somewhere that a non Catholic person advised his Catholic friend, that if the Eucharist is truly what we believe, he would crawl for miles to receive Him. And, since we are speaking the Truth, that goes without saying. Who among us wouldn’t do that?

What is special about converts, is that our next favorite Sacrament surprises most other people. The Sacrament of Reconciliation would almost always be cited as the second most precious gift, left by Jesus through the Sacraments. Yes, of course we have heard all of the baby boomers horror stories about making Confessions and the “dreadful” priests that heard them and administered painful penance for the least infraction. That made young girls fear boys with warts on their hands and young men cringe at the thought of relieving frustration. Those terrible priests! But again, those of us who converted from any non Catholic faith (ironically, of the nine people I took classes when I did, oh, some years back during the Cretaceous Period, we were all Methodists backgrounds!) knew exactly what we had been missing.

The Confessional pre dates Sigmund Freud. Over the years, priests were called upon to fill the shoes of Jesus and serve as the therapists for thousands upon thousands of penitents. When you had no where to turn and you had to face your fears, you could escape to the anonymous sanctuary, the confessional. You didn’t even have to face your confessor. All you had to do was pray as Jesus washed your sins away.

Allow me to go back to the 80’s, when my birth daughter, Rachel, was still just a girl, I had occasion to meet with our parish priest, Fr. Dimond, for what escapes me now. What happened in that room was far beyond me and an amazing experience. It overshadowed and made insignificant anything I had expected.

All I remember was sitting down with a stack of books and pamphlets. All of a sudden, I started to speak, it was an involuntary and spontaneous surge of words that sprang from my mouth, “Forgive me father, for I have sinned….” I proceeded to tell the priest of something I had done. Something I had pushed in the back of my mind so that I might believe I had never done such a thing. Something I had sworn I would forget and never deal with again. Tears poured out of my eyes and Father was rushing to prepare his vestments. I still cannot believe that I spoke it. Left to my own frail devices, I would have gone the rest of my life with that burden, consumed in the flame of guilt and no repentance, just stupid denial.

Then, I heard the soft voice of the priest, “Oh, how desperate you must have been.” He began to say words of encouragement and forgiveness. A love that I never really knew existed appeared before me at that moment and when he laid his hand on my head to absolve me of my sins, I felt what I can only describe as a hot flash, a bolt of energy from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. And, it was released. I felt as if I had lost some 25 pounds of hideous weight. I never knew I could feel so good. Then, Father held me for what seemed to be an eternity. I will confess, I have tried to be stoic all of my life. Not successfully, but my upper lip was as stiff as I could make it. I cannot describe the relief, the love, the repentance I experienced. There really are no words, but when I was advised to go in peace and sin no more, well, I DID go in peace J

Ever since that day, I have not feared nor swept under the rug that Sacrament. When I read something about Our Lady’s alleged apparitions in Medjugore that reminded her people to visit the Sacraments as often as possible, I am sure she meant Confession too. I am positive. And, I do. Visit the Sacraments often, that is.

I am telling you, CONVERTS RULE!

Softly & Tenderly

2009-03-18T11:39:00.000-07:00

The rural Ohio area where I grew up is Non Catholic heaven. My small hometown, with a population of 600 people at that time (it is experiencing a boom at the moment with a Honda plant nearby) and now has grown to 900. But our little village has 4 non Catholic churches. When we were very young, our Mother would take us to the Quaker church just up the street. The only African American church in the county was Baptist, and even though my father was raised Baptist, he was non practicing. Mom held a deep prejudice for Baptists, the only discriminatory bone in her body. Finally, when I was about 8 years old, there opened a small African Methodist Episcopal church, Grace A.M.E., in the county seat of Bellefontaine (pronounced "bell fountain). So we started going there, but by that time I became vocal about my desire to go to a Catholic church. But I had also developed a deep affection for protestant hymns and gospel music, both country and black. My favorite was "Softly and Tenderly"'

The lyrics make my love for that hymn obvious:

"Softly & tenderly, Jesus is calling.
Calling for you and for me.
Though we have sinned,
He has mercy and pardon,
Pardon for you and for me.

Come Home, Come Home,
Ye who are weary come Home.
Earnestly, tenderly Jesus is calling,
Calling all sinners come Home. "

Now, for the Evangelical, Pentecostal and non denominational faiths, this is a funeral song. Same for Baptists & the Church of Christ parishioners. But, as a Catholic, I take from it so much more. I converted to Catholicism, and each time over the years when I have faltered, the confessor in the Sacrament of Reconciliation would remind me that I am always welcome. That is one of the beauties of Mother Church. You don't need an epiphany or sudden surge of the Holy Spirit. All you have to do is come home. Yes, you do need to make a confession, but as I have said before, that is my favorite Sacrament after the Eucharist. Moreover, each time I receive the Body & Blood of our dear Lord Jesus, I know I am home. That is one of my acts of answering his, "....calling all sinners, come Home". Indeed, it reaffirms for me why I am a Roman Catholic.

When I attended my first Mass, I knew I was home. Granted I was young and being the only "negro" child in the congregation, I garnered quite a bit of benevolent attention..... that certainly helped convince me that my call to Rome Sweet Home, as Scott Hahn would say, was real and legitimate. When one of my older sisters became Muslim, she and both of her ex husbands were baffled at my skill in Catholic Apologetics. I mean, it was a simple matter of the fact that I cannot really understand nor empathize with a faith where there is no Jesus. Yes, they acknowledge Him as a great prophet and venerate the Holy Mother, but they give the same argument that many Jewish Apologists give, that God doesn't have a family. To which I always reply, "Then, who are we to God?" That "mystical" question, that part of Christianity that they do not understand, just got me some very blank stares that seared right through my head. I am disaffected.

Then, my younger sister was "Born Again" and is now an Evangelical Christian. She had a change of heart, to some degree, after having a job working with a Catholic Social Service agency after Hurricane Katrina and then working with poor Hispanic immigrants. She finally acknowledged that Catholics are Christians, as before, she was led to believe it to be a cult. Moreover, she also finally admitted to me that she knows now, she was preaching to the choir when she was trying to convert me. She realized that I had been "saved" way before she was. And, I remind her that, yes, I was saved, I am being saved and I will be saved in the future. That beautiful ongoing process of the road to holiness Catholics enjoy and many take for granted.

As I work with two other Oblate Sisters of Mary Magdalene, Sr. Mary Magdalene and Sr. Clare Marie, we discuss the entrance process to becoming one of our sisters. I have decided, one thing we might do that is unorthodox, is welcome fallen away Catholics and, possibly, people of another Church. But they would first become lay associates. I would grant them the opportunity to wear the dress of our habit when attending common retreats, meetings & functions, but no veil. And, they could become a postulate and/or novitiate (depending on their progress to the goal I am about to mention), but part of their formation would be to attend RCIA or form a relationship with a good spiritual director who will assist them in listening to and actually hearing Jesus' call. The call that is delivered so softly and tenderly. Our sisters need a close relationship with Jesus and His Church, because to achieve that is critical to our way of prayer life. We imitate Christ. We pray without ceasing, even through a busy or difficult work day. It sustains us until we can receive Lord Jesus in the Eucharist. Our Holy Communion is what holds us together, not just as Catholics, but as Oblate Sisters of Mary Magdalene.

Yeah..... I know what you were thinking when you first began to read this. "Where is she going with THIS? Is she having another Senior Moment?" Well, I might be having just that. But even if that is so, it's part of my closer walk with Jesus, another non Catholic hymn! ;-)

Our Lady of Vocations, pray for us.

2009-03-05T17:08:00.000-08:00

"John 20:11-18 But Mary stayed outside the tomb weeping. And as she wept, she bent over into the tomb and saw two angels in white sitting there, one at the head and one at the feet where the body of Jesus had been. And they said to her, "Woman, why are you weeping?" She said to them, "They have taken my Lord, and I don't know where they laid him."
When she had said this, she turned around and saw Jesus there, but did not know it was Jesus. Jesus said to her, "Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you looking for?" She thought it was the gardener and said to him, "Sir, if you carried him away, tell me where you laid him, and I will take him."
Jesus said to her, "Mary!" She turned and said to him in Hebrew, "Rabbouni," which means Teacher. Jesus said to her, "Stop holding on to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. But go to my brothers and tell them, 'I am going to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.'"
Mary of Magdala went and announced to the disciples, "I have seen the Lord," and what he told her."

When I look at my life from an "out of body" perspective, it is clear as a bell. When I was young and shook off feelings of wanting to be Catholic and live religious life, I did what was "expected". I finished school, went to college, got married. Now the latter, that is one of my favorite pieces of schtick!

I don't believe I put my all into trying to find the right mate. All I knew is I was approaching 24 years old and would be, by my hometown's standards, an old maid. So, when I found someone who didn't run, was standing up right & breathing, he qualified. What a mistake. It is true that you can be married and much lonelier than being single. Now, Rachel Lindsey is a blessing, but the ex, well, bless his heart, he is mentally ill in a society that neglects people with illnesses of the brain. They are just not as attractive as an inability to walk, see or hear. My heart beats so much compassion for him. And, he is the only father my birth duaghter will ever know. But all that time, seeking my hearts desire, way off of the mark.

Then, once I was REALLY grown up, that is, at the age of 43, I realized that all of the wheel spinning I have done was even pointed in the wrong direction. I am called to be a bride of Christ. As I may have mentioned before, when I pray the Rosary, attend a Marian devotion, think of serving Jesus as a consecrated lay person, I smell roses. I had lost that over the past few years. When I tried to become a member of a newly forming pious association, I felt I wanted that more than anything. When I was released from inquiring, I was more devastated than ever. I now knew what it felt like to loose the man of your dreams. I was seperated from the sacraments for so long. I didn't feel worthy at all. And, I couldn't believe that God really loved the likes of me.

But now, I can see it. I sat weeping at the tomb. "Please, tell me where they took my Lord." Then, as benevolent and caring as He is, He has tapped my shoulder. Why have I been seeking the Living among the dead? God's will will always come, but it comes in His time. Not mine, not yours, not the Evil One's. He has been there all along. He is calling me to serve him. I don't need to conform to the calling of others. I have to respond to HIM AND HIS CALL. I have to do it the way He wants me. No more tears. No more waiting. And, I am receiving the Sacraments as often as possible. That includes the Sacrament of Reconciliation, next to the Eucharist, a convert's favorite. I feel His presence and that peace beyond understanding. His warm embrace has made my sometimes taxing existence, LIFE.

So, just as Mary of Magdala, weeping at the tomb, that was my life. But, He renewed me. He told me why I was looking for Him where He is not. I turned around, not recognizing Him at first. But now, I see. And, an Oblate Sister of Mary Magdalene wants to tell everyone what she has seen and been told.

My Permission Slip

2009-02-21T17:26:00.000-08:00

When my thoughts go back in time, as they so often do, several episodes of my life seem to pop up, and there is a common thread. I am called to something greater than myself, but what is it?

I am watching my younger, 17 year old daughter, who is determined to become a police officer. She is in law enforcement vocational training and part of the Columbus Ohio Police Department's Explorer program. She also plans to join the US Army. Today, she even went with the recruiters to the reserves camp. She is tired, but she loves it. I see a beautiful young woman who started life with the cards stacked against her. So much adversity, but she is clear in her vision for herself and I have no doubt will be a wonderful law enforcement officer.

Rachel, is 28, developmentally handicapped and receives disability payments, but works two part time jobs in the fast food industry. She fancies herself an actress. She tries out for and has performed in several local productions. I thought when I was in college, "None of my children will be in theater! No! I want baseball players." God's will is a tough nut to crack, because neither of my girls are athletes. In fact, the are LOATHED to even sit with me through a baseball or football game. But they both took/take their education and career choices for the future seriously and with amazing clarity. That wasn't me 20 or 25 years ago. Not by a long shot.

Memory number one is going on a Sunday trip to visit relatives in Yellow Springs, Ohio. We stopped at a popular bakery where you can get the freshest doughnuts. While we were in the store, there were three religious sisters who were also customers purchasing those wonderful confections. My father made a comment when we returned to the car. I don't remember exactly what it was, but it was disparaging against the sisters. My parents were not Catholic & I wasn't raised Catholic, but I always FELT Catholic. Later on in the day, I approached my father and gently admonished him of the error in his prejudice about religious life. He received it with grace and humility. And, my dear mother gave me an " atta girl" in another room, out of ear shot of Dad.

As I grew I always longed to attend Catholic Churches, even attending mass regularly in college, but never taking that courageous step of actually entering. But, my mother saw where my heart was directing me and encouraged me, no she SIGNED ME UP, for the RCIA class the summer after my sophomore year. I have never looked back and feel blessed when I receive the Eucharist, because I know what others are missing. I would sit in front of a mirror and drape a scarf over my head, wondering how I would look in a religious habit. Other young girls I am supposing would play with momma's make up and dress clothes or wedding gowns, imagining how that would be. I was different. I assumed that I would get married, but exploring consecration for my life, just as I attended mass for years and didn't convert, I was too insecure to explore religious life in the early seventies.

I won't drag anyone through the married life I led, it was bad enough that I put myself and my older daughter through it *smile*, but looking for romance was always an exercise in futility for me. I wasn't comfortable in "the game" of dating. After my divorce, I admitted that in order for me to marry again, this man would have to be extraordinary and the last man who walked the Earth and who fit the bill was crucified over 2000 years ago. So, as I stated in my first blog, I decided to see if there was a group, society, a way of life that was a good fit for me and allow me to serve God in the way I know He wants. That leads me to memories two and three.

I began sharing with Sr. Evelyn Gerhart and found that I was blessed with the gift of smelling roses when the Holy Mother was near, encouraging me in the right direction. It happended frequently from 1995-2000. I wasn't getting everything I needed from the Good Shepherd Congregation. I was meant to experience them, though. Because their foundress, St. Mary Euphrasia came to my aide when I was in the adoption process with the local Children Services Department. After praying a novena to her, I was allowed to be the mother of Monique. And, I had her baptised Monique Marie Euphrasia in thanksgiving to her. I also made my first private vows to them in 1998. But there was confrusion, adversity that the Companions (the group with whom I professed my vows) were facing that wasn't helped by the insecure and uncertain nature of my search for God's will for me.

I spoke with secular institutes, vocation directors from other religious groups and even made an earnest attempt to become a sister in a pious association that was and still is growing. I had a tearful meeting with the diocese vocation office, where I was told what I am always told, "You are a mother to your daughters. That is what you should focus on. There is no place for you in the Church as a religious." I have wasted several sad years over that comment. The operative word in that sentence is " wasted". Why have I been so timid and limited myself so? I have raised two, confident, high functioning special needs daughters who are brave enough to take on what they want for their lives and are living God's plan for them.

So, on a rare occasion that Monique considered me "cool enough" for conversation one afternoon as I folded some laundry, I lamented to her how, as much as I love the two girls, I really wish I had looked into life as a Dominican sister or knew of the existance of the Oblate Sisters of Providence. I told her that I feel I would have been better of as a bride of Christ. Then, she gave me the most puzzled look I have ever seen. She said, "...but, I thought you were. Just because other people try to discourage you, that doesn't mean your not His bride. I have always seen you that way. Stop asking people for permission to do what God wants you to do."

Whoa! Out of the mouths of babes. I have spent a lifetime looking to other humans, who have no authority to shut me down, and it took my daughter to open my eyes. So, even though I am not connected with an established group or with one that is forming, that doesn't mean that I am not nor can be a consecrated lay woman.

I am in the process of writing my own rule. I vision myself as an Oblate Sister of Mary Magdalene. She was a woman, looked down on my the rest of society, but was a much loved disciple of Christ. So much so that when He arose from the tomb, He appeared to her first. He asked her why she was looking for Him there and it wasn't until after she faced Him, that she recognized The Lord. That is what I have been doing. Jesus just tapped me on the shoulder as I have wept and asked me, why am I seeking Him where He is not. He is in my heart as He was in the Magdalene. And I will join her in service to Him.

Please, pray for me as I embark on my new life. Well, it's my life, but I am sanctifying everything, turning all that I do that is good for Him. And, if it is meant to be, and there are other women out there, who like me have believed that we were not meant to serve Him as a consecrate, and boldy do it now, not waiting for permission.

A Different Take on Vocations

2009-02-17T13:55:00.000-08:00

I have long been pursuing a life of consecration. I had my marriage annulled and even though I have two older special needs daughters, I also felt that I could find my niche in the various forms of consecrated vocations in the Catholic Church. The void in my life after marriage had nothing to do with companionship. Efforts in that direction felt even more empty.

I joined a Charismatic Prayer Group at my parish and one of the members gave me the name of a Dominican Sister who gave spiritual direction. Sr. Evelyn Gerhart has since founded her own community, the Daughters of St. Dominic, and is one of the most wonderful, Spirit filled people I have ever met. We explored a lot about where I was headed with my future. We discussed secular institutes, because most traditional communities were not available to me. It was meetings with her and going to some of the devotions she sponsored, that I found myself smelling roses when certain ideas came to mind. I felt that the ultimate spiritual director, Mary Mother of God, was giving me signals that I was on the right track.

This is the Cliff Notes version of my journey, but over the past 15 years, I have experienced several unhappy, unfortunate situations. Racism from a vocations director of a now defunct secular institute. I tried an association with some kind hearted and well meaning women, trying to establish a pious association in connection to an established congregation, but finding a great deal of resistance to this day. I realized my future wasn't with them, because they were too liberal for my heart. I do not believe in women priests, I am ardently pro-life, and inclusive language makes my skin crawl. I left them filled with great hopes to be part of a newer forming community, a pious association of sisters. But I was left with heartbreak, over a great misunderstanding and a betrayal from leaders of the parish to which I belonged at the time. That left me damaged and depressed for some time. And, of course, I questioned God's love for me.

But, then I remembered something Sr. Evelyn had told me. She said that if you feel the calling, it's real and legitimate. It is your obligation to God to find the place he has prepared for you. Now, I am renewed with hope and have decided to live private consecration now. I may find a group that I would feel comfortable being a member. I may not. I may find that the Holy Spirit will lead people to join me who are in the same or similar state in life and wants to answer the call to consecrate the very act of rasing Christian children to become pious adults. That is an important vocation right there and I believe it is important for people to see that those of us doing the "grunt work" of caring for children with special needs, adults with mental illness, people who are living without health care or providing nutrition for hungry children CONSECRATE those activites and claim that territory for the Glory of God.

I have started a discussion email group http://groups.yahoo.com/group/discerningsecondvocations. I would be most honored to discuss and engage people in an exchange of ideas on the topic of second vocations, both for men and women.

Peace and prayers
Iris Marie <><