The Case for Consecrating Single Motherhood

I remember watching a National Geographic special about felines. A cat is a cat is a cat. All felines, large, wild, feral and domesticated are the same. Their bone structures are the same, fur patterns and coloring, instincts, all the same. One of the most interesting features of all cats is the "pride mentality". Males are dominant, and when a female has a litter, she solicits other mothers to watch her babies when she goes in search of food. If there isn't another female available, she will try to make sure she has them in the safest spot possible. The reason for this is because a different male cat who didn't sire her cubs will kill them, so he can impregnate her with his blood line. The optimum model for the pride, however, is one male with approximately three females. Then, he will guard the safety of his offspring.

When I saw this, I began to think of how many children are assaulted by their mother's "boyfriend". Notice the next time there is a sad story about child abuse and just read farther into the story. Usually, the mother entrusted her baby with a boyfriend to babysit, while she works or shops. I believe there is an "animal instinct" at play here. Also note how many single mothers lament the difficulty they have finding a mate. There is nothing more pain staking than the task of a woman who is widowed or separated to find another. Moreover, in our culture, women are still judged on their ability to attract a man. So many women believe that there is no other way to live out their life with dignity unless they have a husband or live-in love. Women are in search of their soul mate.

Of course, I would never imply that one should aspire single motherhood, condone promiscuity nor that it is the ideal lifestyle for a child. And, our culture of death has been so successful of late in destroying the family unit. This is also, in my opinion, the reason so many young women consider abortion as the solution for a pregnancy outside of a relationship with a supportive man. If she wants to live her "ideal life", she may feel the necessity to not have a child "in the way". Yes, it is a "difficult" decision, but there is so much more at play here than any political opinion about abortions. I maintain that it is another form of that primal, animal instinct, as opposed to maternal consideration and caring for her baby.

That brings me to another fascinating piece of information. This one is about the history of human primates. The one form of ancient people that didn't prosper and ultimately have lineage to modern times is the Neanderthal. The reason for their dying out is attributed to the fact that their males and females did not live together. Women were pretty much bred the same as other mammals, but when she had male offspring, he left to live with males once he reached puberty. There was no family unit. There were no mixed sex tribes or communities. So, no person living today is in line with a Neanderthal, because like the Shakers of 18th and 19th Century, their numbers died out. That is why the family unit is God's plan. He wanted to insure that His children multiplied successfully. Well, that's my take on it anyway.

Sadly, the majority of African American families are single parent families, usually maternal. The number among the rest of the population is on the rise and males are breeding multiple women like a big cat. "Baby Mama" and "Baby Daddy" are clearly understood terms in the English vernacular, especially in the US.

Because of our societal stigma heaped on single women, her self esteem is directly linked to her "attractiveness" and the quality of her parenting is the first to suffer. Women will engage more and more in less desirable mating experiments and make increasingly more ill advised decisions with respect to her responsibility for their children.

Now, we come to the time in my life as a single mother that gave me the epiphany to imitate the Holy Mother and St. Mary Magdalene as I do now. As my older birth daughter, Rachel, pointed out to me when she was but 10, I tried, "... a lot of men to fall in love with me". Those words really hurt. I had just reported a man I was seeing to the local authorities once I discovered he was trying to groom me to allow him perverted access to my child. That was also when I realized that my first responsibility was to Rachel, not my romantic life.

Yes, I still knew that I loved parenting and desired more than one child. As I was going through the annulment process, the deacon who was my advocate reassured me that there are many options available to live out my love for children that was on a more holy and noble path. He also assured me that a second vocation as a consecrated lay woman was a realistic aspiration as well. That is when I first discovered secular institutes and made the connection between my role as a mother without a man to help and the consecrated life. I adopted my younger child, Monique, because it was a more chaste way to be a mother than find a sire or pay for artificial insemination from a donor. I believed that there was a woman out there who would be brave enough and love her baby enough to carry her to term for me and allow me to raise her. And, thanks to St. Mary Euphrasia Pelletier, there was.

One of the things I would like to accomplish through my consecration as an Oblate Sister of Mary Magdalene is to witness to the world that single motherhood can not only be lived piously and in accordance with God's plan, but it builds personal character and fortitude. My children were raised in the Church, not with a live-in father nor romantic interest for me. Instead, they have holy men and Christ to be both a spouse for me and Father for them. You can be happy. You can love yourself. You can be in complete control of your home and life and maintain all of the dignity you were given at birth as a child of God.

The trick is going to be not just finding other women who desire to follow my path, but convincing the Church hierarchy, other consecrated women and other people in general that consecrating the situation of single motherhood is noble and possible.