From Ken Burn's Civil War Documentary, this has to be my most favorite prose read during the entire series, with the beautiful "Ashokan Farewell" by Jim Bottorff in the background. I have no reason for posting this, other than I consider that we all love. :) It's lovely:
July 14, 1861
Camp Clark, Washington
My very dear Sarah:
The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days-perhaps tomorrow. Lest I should not be able to write again, I feel impelled to write a few lines that may fall under your eye when I shall be no more . . .
I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how strongly American Civilization now leans on the triumph of the Government and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and sufferings of the Revolution. And I am willing-perfectly willing-to lay down all my joys in this life, to help maintain this Government, and to pay that debt . . .
Sarah my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break; and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me unresistibly on with all these chains to the battle field.
The memories of the blissful moments I have spent with you come creeping over me, and I feel most gratified to God and to you that I have enjoyed them for so long. And hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes of future years, when, God willing, we might still have lived and loved together, and seen our sons grown up to honorable manhood, around us. I have, I know, but few and small claims upon Divine Providence, but something whispers to me-perhaps it is the wafted prayer of my little Edgar, that I shall return to my loved ones unharmed. If I do not my dear Sarah, never forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on the battle field, it will whisper your name. Forgive my many faults and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless and foolish I have often times been! How gladly would I wash out with my tears every little spot upon your happiness . . .
But, O Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the gladdest days and in the darkest nights . . . always, always, and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath, as the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by. Sarah do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again . . .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I always need a tissue. Because he died two weeks after writing this to his dear wife.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Sunday, July 4, 2010
A Midsummer's Thanksgiving
We are already in midsummer! Summer isn't my favorite season, as I prefer spring or autumn, but this time around, it is particularly nice.
My older daughter, Rachel, became gravely ill for the second time in her life the beginning of April. She wasn't released from the hospital/nursing facility until June 3. She still has a blood clot near her heart, a side effect of the treatment for her rare blood condition. She takes daily injections for that, as there are only two designer medications to treat it. They're very expensive, as rare illnesses usually are to treat, but God is good and blessed us with assistance from the pharmaceutical company.
The days that Rachel spent close to death were the most difficult of my life. Even more so than when she was first ill at eleven years old, because this time around, I was more familiar with the potential dangers and the realization that it is going to be an issue for her to stay alive for the rest of her life. To add to that angst, TTP affects the cognitive thinking of its victim. She was refusing treatment and would thrash around, the slightest bump and she would bleed to death. She wanted to be home and watching her pain was equally as painful for me. But again, God is good and he spoke to me through a surprising (to me) source.
My younger daughter, Monique, was my rock. She kept holding me, reminding me that God isn't finished with Rachel yet. That He, in His infinite wisdom, uses physicians, nurses and other health care professionals to make sure that she is treated well & that He uses them as guardian angels. Then she reminded me that we are all part of His plan and we have to remain on his path, regardless of the hardships, to do His will and reap His reward. All this wisdom from an 18 year old diva!
Living as an Oblate Sister of Mary Magdalene, I didn't take a break from my prayer regimen, but I added to it. I never realized just how much prayer we humans can actually fit into a 24 hour day. I woke up nights, anxious with worry, and sat on the edge of my bed (because I can no longer kneel :-( ) and immersed myself in prayer. I discovered that on the local Catholic radio station, I can pray the Divine Chaplet at 3pm each afternoon! And, I never engaged so many prayer warriors in my life. As frustrated as Rachel was, she had many many visitors, from her job, from the neighborhood, from Church and other non Catholic Christian friends.
One humorous break we were afforded was particularly.... ironic? Due to a clerical error when Rachel was admitted to the Catholic hospital, she was listed as having no religion. We asked everyone on staff, including a couple of the non Catholic Christian chaplains available to us, that she (and I) wanted to receive The Eucharist. It wasn't until three days before her release to the nursing home, a lovely lady rabbi corrected the situation and made sure that she was visited by a Eucharistic Minister every day.... Yes, America, it took a JEWISH RABBI to help the Catholic practice her faith!
So, while I was blessed with a beautiful Easter Sunday, I wasn't given a nice spring and I missed most of spring altogether! But now, here it is the 4th of July and we are grilling jumbo beef hot dogs & steak, eating potato salad, baked beans, tossed salad and corn & bean salad.... Momo and Rachel are enjoying all of the firework displays in the area, Rachel participated in the Doo Da Parade (yick) and both of them are spending time at the pool, imitating dolphins. This is the best Thanksgiving I have ever had on the 4th of July!
My older daughter, Rachel, became gravely ill for the second time in her life the beginning of April. She wasn't released from the hospital/nursing facility until June 3. She still has a blood clot near her heart, a side effect of the treatment for her rare blood condition. She takes daily injections for that, as there are only two designer medications to treat it. They're very expensive, as rare illnesses usually are to treat, but God is good and blessed us with assistance from the pharmaceutical company.
The days that Rachel spent close to death were the most difficult of my life. Even more so than when she was first ill at eleven years old, because this time around, I was more familiar with the potential dangers and the realization that it is going to be an issue for her to stay alive for the rest of her life. To add to that angst, TTP affects the cognitive thinking of its victim. She was refusing treatment and would thrash around, the slightest bump and she would bleed to death. She wanted to be home and watching her pain was equally as painful for me. But again, God is good and he spoke to me through a surprising (to me) source.
My younger daughter, Monique, was my rock. She kept holding me, reminding me that God isn't finished with Rachel yet. That He, in His infinite wisdom, uses physicians, nurses and other health care professionals to make sure that she is treated well & that He uses them as guardian angels. Then she reminded me that we are all part of His plan and we have to remain on his path, regardless of the hardships, to do His will and reap His reward. All this wisdom from an 18 year old diva!
Living as an Oblate Sister of Mary Magdalene, I didn't take a break from my prayer regimen, but I added to it. I never realized just how much prayer we humans can actually fit into a 24 hour day. I woke up nights, anxious with worry, and sat on the edge of my bed (because I can no longer kneel :-( ) and immersed myself in prayer. I discovered that on the local Catholic radio station, I can pray the Divine Chaplet at 3pm each afternoon! And, I never engaged so many prayer warriors in my life. As frustrated as Rachel was, she had many many visitors, from her job, from the neighborhood, from Church and other non Catholic Christian friends.
One humorous break we were afforded was particularly.... ironic? Due to a clerical error when Rachel was admitted to the Catholic hospital, she was listed as having no religion. We asked everyone on staff, including a couple of the non Catholic Christian chaplains available to us, that she (and I) wanted to receive The Eucharist. It wasn't until three days before her release to the nursing home, a lovely lady rabbi corrected the situation and made sure that she was visited by a Eucharistic Minister every day.... Yes, America, it took a JEWISH RABBI to help the Catholic practice her faith!
So, while I was blessed with a beautiful Easter Sunday, I wasn't given a nice spring and I missed most of spring altogether! But now, here it is the 4th of July and we are grilling jumbo beef hot dogs & steak, eating potato salad, baked beans, tossed salad and corn & bean salad.... Momo and Rachel are enjoying all of the firework displays in the area, Rachel participated in the Doo Da Parade (yick) and both of them are spending time at the pool, imitating dolphins. This is the best Thanksgiving I have ever had on the 4th of July!
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