Wednesday, January 26, 2011

"You shall see the face of God and live."

"Be Not Afraid" is a long time favorite hymn of mine. Whenever I find myself in great fear or turmoil, it automatically comes to mind. I chose it to be played at my mother's funeral. Regardless of the circumstances when I hear it, I feel warm & comforted. It is just quite simply, lovely & it's not a piece of music confined to grief or fear.

I think of the times in the Gospels and The Acts of the Apostles that people encounter Jesus without recognizing him. And in my life, especially St Mary Magdalene. I've done my share of "..lookin' for love in all the wrong places". Of course, not just romantic love, but the warm feeling of doing a good job and being recognized for it. Or feeling popular and accepted. I've always been wanting to live a useful and purposeful life. The greatest of all my "lookin'" is finding my own faith. I've always been a believer, but I mean finding the Sacred Heart of Jesus and receiving His True Presence of Christ in the Eucharist. Living the fullness of faith and purposefully embracing The Truth.

I will be the first to admit to my political incorrectness and its accompanying ornery sense of humor. I was raised by the couple who invented the PC concept. When we were kids, they tolerated our watching "The Beverly Hillbillies", never missing an opportunity to remind us that all Southerners are not stupid. They drew the line with "Hogan's Heroes" due to their perception that it portrayed Germans as sinister, stupid Nazis (I know, that's extreme, but that was my parents). I've been known to enjoy a good blond joke, but I think that is a small piece of the need we all have to rebel against what our parents believe and teach. My love for the Cincinnati Bengals & disdain for the Cleveland Browns is is another piece... Sorry, I digress and apologize.

These past few months, I have been fighting my demons. Like most of us, even as we recently discovered, I have been having a flat, questioning of my faith experience. No matter how down I may have felt, I STILL felt the Holy Arms of Jesus surrounding me. As someone who lives basically a simple life, by choice, the rising prices of everything is a difficult challenge, most of all I am overcome with feelings of guilt & inadequacy when I cannot do something for the girls & if I become lax in getting cat toys to keep the little people exercised. The latter is admittedly petty to most, but I love my cats as I do my daughters.

This afternoon, as I napped, I heard the entire song, "Be Not Afraid". God has a subtle way of waking us up, reminding us to be aware that he is here AND he always loves us. Even His children who are in prison, even those who deny Him.... He loves us all equally as my parents loved us girls and as I try to raise mine. It's time for me to stop succumbing to my fears and move on.

My pet show is put on a delay, only because I have to take a different approach to fund raising from sponsors. His Will be done, however.