'Tis the season...

Autumn is my favorite time of the year. It starts with the smell of aging maple leaves and the collage of color that is nature. It ends with a warm place to read a book and a search for good leftover recipes. It is naturally a reflective time. The year is coming to a close, the feast of All Saints and a month of remembering loved ones who past away is the center of the season. In Ohio, the crops have been harvested and cooking takes on a warm, aromatic, comfort-food smell that fills the world. The highlight of my day is evening prayer followed by snuggling into a relaxing spot and reading just what you want to read. In my case, that is a newspaper, a true crime book, something on Sacred Scripture or my faith... almost anything but fiction. I like the quiet hour and let my mind wander to all of my happy places, alone with God, my only companion, for conversation.

Reading and reflection are a preferred pass time for me. There is nothing more intimate than reading. The only sense engaged, if you are a seeing person, is sight. No words are spoken aloud and only you are privy to what your mind holds and The Lord's Sacred Heart is the only one who knows what is being experienced. You give away the control of your thoughts to God and He helps you interpret the writing of another soul. There is nothing more satisfying than experiencing the purity of His Will that is found in this activity.

I also like the happy laughter of children playing outside, completely enjoying what nature has left for them to play & the final hours of sunlight which grow shorter as the season progresses. The changing landscape offers divergent fodder for their imaginations and they are happy to share it with you through the joyful noise they make. Then, involuntarily, you are given another memory moment: your own childhood laughter as you slam into a pile of raked leaves or play touch football with a reasonably sized gourd. God blesses children with the most athletic period of their lives. Pound for pound, children are the most physically efficient creatures among all mammals. I remember feats of daring that I was so eager to attempt then, but cannot remember when I lost "the nerve". Thankfully, I never lost the laughter and re experience it every fall.

So, I suppose that autumn is the most likely time for Thanksgiving. All generations gathering together, celebrating everything that makes our lives special and thanking Our Lord and Saviour for allowing us to have those things in our lives. As I sat at the dinner table with my dear Uncle Norris & Aunt Ruth, who had led the Thanksgiving prayer thanking us for the ability to have this year's gathering, it made for most pleasant dining. I will cherish that moment forever, as both of them, who have no grown children or grandchildren, both gushed with pride and reflected with teary eyes on the memories of their two daughters, both of whom went Home to Jesus as babies. What a testament to the sanctity of life! Their love for each other is so incredible, two people in their 80's who are just as in love as they were almost 60 years ago. They are fully aware of exactly how special, how worthy of thanks the life they were given together and gifted by God as their children to have received. They shared that example of Christ's love with me and my daughters. Both girls gathered memories like those that I have of the season.

Now, Advent is upon us and how appropriate the season to follow Thanksgiving. A month to again reflect and prepare for the coming of Jesus Christ. I happily put the Advent Wreath in the center of the dining table. From that wreath will flow the makings of Christmas decorations and plans for the Christmas season begin to take shape. I can think of no better way to conclude one year and begin another! The simpler the celebrations, the happier we seem to be. Joyous, humble, pious is the Child in the manger. Yes, autumn gives us a time of reflection and preparation for the One who leaves a smile on my face.

A Penitent: from a negative to a positive

I had a conversation with a friend who viewed a website for a new charism by Cloister Outreach. I honestly cannot remember which prospective community it was, but I do remember her asking me in disbelief, "It actually says it is for 'PENITENTS'!" That is when it occurred to me that there is a wealth of misconceptions about that term. It has a negative connotation, which it doesn't deserve. Being a penitent is no worse, nor much different, from being a convert. A penitent is someone who has repented from his lifestyle and/or beliefs away from God and changes his life's path to one in the direction of the Holy One.

One doesn't have to be a gambling or drug addict who converts. Nor are all women who are penitents former prostitutes. This group of people have no doubt the need for conversion, but that is something that happens (or not) in Gods way and as a product of the person's free will. Moreover, those who seek to assist and convert people who are deep into the world of drugs or the illegal/immoral sex trade, just cannot approach it the way the Good Shepherds did after the French Revolution or even as they did in the stories I heard while in formation as a Good Shepherd Companion. As recently as the early to mid 20th Century, the sisters would actually walk into a bar and retrieve the wayward ward in their charge, and the patrons of the pub would applaud. Any intervention like that today could and probably would end the good sister in the hospital or morgue.

There is also the historical "mis notion" that St. Mary Magdalene was a prostitute. No where in the Bible does it say that she engaged in the world's oldest profession. In Christ's time, a woman who was lacking in rank was one who had no man to support her. Remember, women had no legal means of supporting themselves. That happens to be an issue for women in our culture up through the 19th Century and still exists in some cultures today, particularly in the Middle East. If you had relations with a man back then, while it was probably as rampant as it has always been, and were caught, then you could be stoned. We do know that Mary of Magdala was a woman of the world, who found the Love in Jesus Christ that was lacking in her life. This latter fact is something that is experienced by many, many people in the world today. A penitent woman today doesn't need to be engaged in prostitution to have that descriptive title any more than the venerable Magdalen.

We are living in what Pope John Paul II the Great called "a culture of death". This is more than contemporary society's view of abortion, euthanasia or the death penalty. It is the direction of people's lives away from God, period. People who search for the meaning of life are turning to new age, pagan belief systems. Some have no moral compass at all, rejecting what may have been taught them as a young child, due to parental figures seen as hypocrites or by the influence of their peers, in search of that perfectly perfect "good time". Since we have taken away the stigma of being a single mother (a good thing, because it is pro-life), we seem to have also given young adults the idea that it is a lifestyle choice. While watching a TV documentary about the rising number of single parent families and young people choosing to live together as a family without the benefit of marriage, the majority of the females interviewed believed that it wasn't necessary to have a father in the home. The various methods of birth control offered (and I feel pushed upon) young women today not only adds to this misguided idea, but also makes having sex simply a form of recreation that is every humans "right". The Sacrament of Marriage is way outside of their radar. But if just one of these young people decide to purge their worldly lifestyle and follow Him, they are a penitent. That is a good thing.

Moreover, adding to the group are people who are divorced, engaged in a nonsacramental union, single and not living a life of chastity as God prefers and an entire host of people who are ignoring God in their lives. Any one of these people, good people, who choose the path of righteousness and to imitate Christ will be a penitent.

I became a Catholic at the age of 20. I had a good time in college back in the 70's and it involved a lot of partying. I wasn't a bad person, but I wasn't living His will. I married because I felt it was what an "aging spinster" like myself had to do and that was a mistake. It was the annulment process that opened my heart to conversion. I liken myself to the Magdalen, as she went to the tomb of Jesus on the day of the Resurrection. I sought the Living among the dead in the way I lived my life and even in my first attempts at discerning a vocation. But, as I heard in a homily one day, all I had to do was turn around. Jesus was there all the time. I had to recognize him and declare, "Rabboni"! I am now officially a penitent. And, not only is it a good thing, I am proud of it.

Ben Stein's Blog, not his money :)

I received this letter from Ben Stein to CBS' Morning Show today. I have seen it before and have always liked it, but feared the legitimacy of its authorship. So, I checked out www.snopes.com and lo and behold, it is correctly credited to the man whose name tops it. I have been too busy over the past month with a variety of endeavors, so I am taking a break and re posting this letter. I hope you enjoy it.

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The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.

My confession:

I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees, Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are, Christmas trees.

It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, 'Merry Christmas' to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu . If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from, that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to.

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her 'How could God let something like this happen?' (regarding Hurricane Katrina).. Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, 'I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?'

In light of recent events... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc.. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill; thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave, because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said okay..

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves..

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Are you laughing yet?

Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.

Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.

Pass it on if you think it has merit.

If not, then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.



My Best Regards, Honestly and respectfully,

Ben Stein

The Case for Consecrating Single Motherhood

I remember watching a National Geographic special about felines. A cat is a cat is a cat. All felines, large, wild, feral and domesticated are the same. Their bone structures are the same, fur patterns and coloring, instincts, all the same. One of the most interesting features of all cats is the "pride mentality". Males are dominant, and when a female has a litter, she solicits other mothers to watch her babies when she goes in search of food. If there isn't another female available, she will try to make sure she has them in the safest spot possible. The reason for this is because a different male cat who didn't sire her cubs will kill them, so he can impregnate her with his blood line. The optimum model for the pride, however, is one male with approximately three females. Then, he will guard the safety of his offspring.

When I saw this, I began to think of how many children are assaulted by their mother's "boyfriend". Notice the next time there is a sad story about child abuse and just read farther into the story. Usually, the mother entrusted her baby with a boyfriend to babysit, while she works or shops. I believe there is an "animal instinct" at play here. Also note how many single mothers lament the difficulty they have finding a mate. There is nothing more pain staking than the task of a woman who is widowed or separated to find another. Moreover, in our culture, women are still judged on their ability to attract a man. So many women believe that there is no other way to live out their life with dignity unless they have a husband or live-in love. Women are in search of their soul mate.

Of course, I would never imply that one should aspire single motherhood, condone promiscuity nor that it is the ideal lifestyle for a child. And, our culture of death has been so successful of late in destroying the family unit. This is also, in my opinion, the reason so many young women consider abortion as the solution for a pregnancy outside of a relationship with a supportive man. If she wants to live her "ideal life", she may feel the necessity to not have a child "in the way". Yes, it is a "difficult" decision, but there is so much more at play here than any political opinion about abortions. I maintain that it is another form of that primal, animal instinct, as opposed to maternal consideration and caring for her baby.

That brings me to another fascinating piece of information. This one is about the history of human primates. The one form of ancient people that didn't prosper and ultimately have lineage to modern times is the Neanderthal. The reason for their dying out is attributed to the fact that their males and females did not live together. Women were pretty much bred the same as other mammals, but when she had male offspring, he left to live with males once he reached puberty. There was no family unit. There were no mixed sex tribes or communities. So, no person living today is in line with a Neanderthal, because like the Shakers of 18th and 19th Century, their numbers died out. That is why the family unit is God's plan. He wanted to insure that His children multiplied successfully. Well, that's my take on it anyway.

Sadly, the majority of African American families are single parent families, usually maternal. The number among the rest of the population is on the rise and males are breeding multiple women like a big cat. "Baby Mama" and "Baby Daddy" are clearly understood terms in the English vernacular, especially in the US.

Because of our societal stigma heaped on single women, her self esteem is directly linked to her "attractiveness" and the quality of her parenting is the first to suffer. Women will engage more and more in less desirable mating experiments and make increasingly more ill advised decisions with respect to her responsibility for their children.

Now, we come to the time in my life as a single mother that gave me the epiphany to imitate the Holy Mother and St. Mary Magdalene as I do now. As my older birth daughter, Rachel, pointed out to me when she was but 10, I tried, "... a lot of men to fall in love with me". Those words really hurt. I had just reported a man I was seeing to the local authorities once I discovered he was trying to groom me to allow him perverted access to my child. That was also when I realized that my first responsibility was to Rachel, not my romantic life.

Yes, I still knew that I loved parenting and desired more than one child. As I was going through the annulment process, the deacon who was my advocate reassured me that there are many options available to live out my love for children that was on a more holy and noble path. He also assured me that a second vocation as a consecrated lay woman was a realistic aspiration as well. That is when I first discovered secular institutes and made the connection between my role as a mother without a man to help and the consecrated life. I adopted my younger child, Monique, because it was a more chaste way to be a mother than find a sire or pay for artificial insemination from a donor. I believed that there was a woman out there who would be brave enough and love her baby enough to carry her to term for me and allow me to raise her. And, thanks to St. Mary Euphrasia Pelletier, there was.

One of the things I would like to accomplish through my consecration as an Oblate Sister of Mary Magdalene is to witness to the world that single motherhood can not only be lived piously and in accordance with God's plan, but it builds personal character and fortitude. My children were raised in the Church, not with a live-in father nor romantic interest for me. Instead, they have holy men and Christ to be both a spouse for me and Father for them. You can be happy. You can love yourself. You can be in complete control of your home and life and maintain all of the dignity you were given at birth as a child of God.

The trick is going to be not just finding other women who desire to follow my path, but convincing the Church hierarchy, other consecrated women and other people in general that consecrating the situation of single motherhood is noble and possible.

Annulments- The hidden treasure of the Catholic Faith

If I had a dime for each time someone questioned the Catholic Church for the annulment process, someone who poo-poohed it, people who say it "illegitimizes" the children who are a product of an annulled union.... etc.... I would never have to worry about my income again! Of all the misunderstood aspects of Mother Church's life for her people, I would venture to say this is at the top.

It has received so much bad press from the non Cathlic media, that it is no wonder people are so afraid of it. I have a non Catholic friend who claims a religious sister called her to grill her about her failed marriage. Apparently, he was getting an annulment to marry another young woman (a union that didn't last, because anyone who follows a faith on the instructions of their male body's appendage is rowing thier boat with one broken oar). My dear friend was understandibly resentful of the allegations. But did she express her anger at the real person behind the probe? No, she just thought it was a "viscious nun" who was bent on making her out to be something she is not. I asked her why that particular interrogation was so hurtful, and she said it's because she felt that the sister represented the Church and that it was beyond cruel. *the blogger sighs & shakes her head*

First, I reminded her that since she has known me, not the Canonical investigator, that I am the practicing Catholic who should be the apologist for any misunderstandings she holds about Mother Church. Secondly, I tried to remind her that but for her ex's actions, she wouldn't have gone through that hurtful exchange. Women never blame the man when matters of their less than successful unions arise. That goes for people jealous of "the other woman" or the cheating female in the illicit duo. Women in our society have so much invested in being the nurturer who keeps the marriage glued together. And whether, in this day and age of "feminism", most or many of us need to acknowledge that we are not judged by whether or not we are in a relationship or if it works or not. *blogger sighs & shakes her head yet AGAIN!

It took me a good three years to complete my annulment paperwork, for a variety of reasons. I wanted one so that I may pursue my hearts mission of living the consecrated life and to make sure that all ties to him in the marital realm were squashed. I also happened to have an advocate who had too many things on his plate. He did, however, before the annulment was granted, hear my very personal and private vows of the Evangelical Counsels, as I committed to a life as such, regardless of whether the annulment was granted or not. Of course it was, but I'm just sayin'....


Now, first, before I get into all the positives that ARE the action of going through a Catholic annulment, it is important to at least pursue one to the best of your ability. If you do not have an advocate, contact the Tribunal office, as they should have people with whom you may connect. If you are cash strapped (very often the case for women), many diocese have funds to assist you. I went to a seminar for perspective candidates for annulments and a few men stomped out. One I was able to catch and ask him to put on his listening ears. With much trepidation, he listened to me and was surprised. Why? BECAUSE THE KEY IS TO SIMPLY GO THROUGH THE PROCESS OR MAKE AN EARNEST ATTEMPT. Yes, there is always the possibility that yours will be denied, or you just can't get the money together. You may feel like it's just another opportunity to go through the pain of mourning the loss of your marital relationship all over again. However, I submit that those sorts of feelings are neither wrong nor serve no purpose.

When I began my process,which coincided with the advent of the discernment phase of my life (one which, I feel will always be an ongoing process), I was feeling overwhelmed at all I had to do. I procrastinated filling out my part. But, as I finally took on that task, I discovered a beautiful side of myself.

I first realized that I am NOT a wife or simply a mother. I am me. All of me, beautiful and ugly. You see, if you complete the form and answer its questions with all the sincerity you own, you must face yourself and your part in any or all of went wrong. You really see yourself as the flawed creation of God that those of us who, unlike the Holy Mother, was born with the stain of original sin and, good gravy, do we live up to every moment of it! You have to search your soul and recognize, most often, how immature or misguided we were in choosing to go through with a covenential commitment. You see every wart in your actions and behaviors. That is an eye opener one never expects.

However, with that self revelation comes a beautiful, blue, loving conversion of your heart. You may already be a devout Catholic Christian, but this deepens that devotion in words that even I (the worlds foremost purveyor of baloney in my orations) wasn't expecting to feel. Very often, as I wrote my admissions, my eyes would well up and I would smell roses, the gift I have been given my Our Lord to let me know that my true spiritual director, His dear mother, was with me to help in guiding my path. Once I completed that form and turned it in, I felt like I had lost 20 pounds.... unfortunatley I didn't physically, but at least I felt it! ;-)

A few more myths to knock down: NO, your children are not illegitimate and keep ties to their father. Just as no unborn child chooses their parents, the lifestyle in which they were initiated, your children do not inherit errors in judgement that the parents or parent may have made. Annulment doesn't mean the marriage did not exist. It means that THE MARRIAGE WAS NOT SACRAMENTAL IN THE EYES OF THE CHURCH. Nothing is invalidated. So, to quote Barney Fife, I want to NIP THAT IN THE BUD!

The next truth that people seem to be unaware, is that if you are unable to obtain church annulment, you are not doomed. THE IMPORTANT THING IS TO GO THROUGH THE PROCESS! You must at least make your best attempt. There are remedies such as dispensation from your situation. Or, you maybe able to clear it up in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Your priest with whom you have established a raport might vouch for you. Even if you are living with a spouse, let's say for an example, a loved one who is dying or has a form a dimentia that is irreversable, if you commit to living a life of chastity, again you might be able.

With my Oblate Sisters of Mary Magdalene, I recognize that some women are already married and living a consecrated vocation or women who for a variety of reasons just don't feel they are a candidate for annulment, I have provisions to still accept them into my religious fold. We have the Intercessors program. These might be women who fell into my first category or the latter. If you are married, you may continue to live that beautiful vocation, with no interference by OSMM, but you must obtain your husband's permission. You may take a promise to "pray without ceasing" and learn our charism and rule. Since you are already "a secular", we cannot interfere with His love and plan for you. For another exampe, everyone else, if you are awaiting to hear from the tribual with a yay or nay, you can still make that promise. Most especially for the latter, you may make that personal and private commitment with the clergy member of your choosing. Then, if he will also submit a letter of recommendation for you. As long as you living a chaste lifestyle and live the life or the OSMM, you will still be a sister equal to all other consecrated members. Never panic when this becomes an "issue" for you. With God, all things are possible. And, for me and my house, we will serve The Lord".... that is from my only Kincaid print AND Sacred Scripture! :D

May God's love continue to surround you and be your beacon of hope on your journey.

Pray for the Beatification of Pope John Paul II

I was reminded of something today. As I opened my daily newsletter from New Advent, the first topic that caught my eye was the one about the beatification of our beloved Pope John Paul II. A living saint when he was the pontiff and tough shoes for the present Pope Benedict to fill, the process that will lead to his canonization will be no surprise for those of us who were so blessed to live Catholic during his leadership. They are waiting for a miracle.

The article hinted to the process to begin soon and advised people to not be surprised how quickly it may come. My mind went back to all of the wonders of his life. Coming of age in Poland, fighting Communism, rallying young people (the older he got, the more youth were drawn to him), giving a sympathetic ear to the apparitions in Medjugore while he was unable to publicly declare them legitimate, fighting for human rights and the rights of the unborn.... there are to many marvelous aspects of his days with us, that I cannot list them all. I think the thing about him that is dearest to my heart, is that my devotion to Mother Church swelled under his authority. While I have been practicing the majority of my life, I felt this holy man's presence at so many times in my life, I feel he worked a personal miracle for me. With him as our pope, I felt free to grow in my love for Christ and His Church.

I plan to make a point of praying now with the intention of his beatification being a special part.

You may read this article at http://www.catholicnewsagency.com/new.php?n=16202.

My Favorite Mother's Day

I cannot believe that it has taken me this long to share the one Mother's Day in my life as a mom. It has been sometime, but every time since that this day rolls around, I think of this.

I adopted Monique on May 27, 1997. She had been living with me since her 5th birthday on October 19, 1996. I had been in the county children services adoption process for over two years and she was the answer to prayers. Literally.

I was associated with the Companions of Jesus the Good Shepherd, a group connected to the Good Shepherd Sisters of North America. The foundress, St. Mary Euphrasia Peletier, was the first woman to found a congregation of women that not only had no male counter part in its roots, but allowed penitent women to become sisters. Now, if you were a young woman of means, you would be a choir sister. Middle class sisters became the active religious. The penitents were the Magdalens and didn't live in community with the other contemplative or active religious sisters. In deed, some of them lived at home during the evenings, but spent their days with the congregation, doing the work of the Good Shepherds, albeit what we may call this day "grunt work". Bottom line, the benevolent foundress' charism was to show love, compassion and refuge to disenfranchised women and children.

It was to this favored saint of mine that I prayed a nine day novena before 11 am each day, along with an Our Father, a Hail Mary and a Glory Be. On the 9th day, at 11:05 am, my social worker called and told me they had a little girl named Monique that they have matched to me. She moved in on her birthday and two weeks later, even though the adoption was far from final and, to be honest, it wasn't "legal", I had her baptized Monique Marie Euphrasia, in thanksgiving to our favorite saints.

Then, comes the month of May, with Mother's Day just three weeks before our court date, my older 16 year old daughter and Monique had planned the perfect day for me. We attended mass in the morning, after which Rachel gave me a carnation and Monique gave me a beautiful, Japanese painted rock, decorated with a pink orchid (a re gifted item that my sister had given me years before, but she found it, liked it, wrapped it and re gifted it.... it is still to this day my favorite).

Then, they banished me to my room, to watch TV and videos, while they prepared my "surprise" spaghetti dinner. It was a surprise, because I wasn't supposed to know what they were cooking, as if the scent didn't give away a thing....

The dialogue down the hall was like listening to an old Abbot & Costello radio broadcast. "Mom! She won't let me help!" "Mom, she doesn't know how to set the table." "Mom! Can .... come back there with you?!" "No, YOU go back there!"

Finally, dinner was served and it tasted superb! Of course it did. It doesn't matter what was on the menu, I didn't have to cook it and it was prepared with love.

At the end of the day, I put Monique in her nightly bubble bath. She splashed, played and sung as usual. I was across the hall in my room, on the phone with one of my sisters. I told her, "...it was the best Mother's Day. I really enjoyed it." And from across the hall, a little voice shouted, "Me too!"

Happy Mothers Day!

Deliver us from evil

I am the type of person who spends a lot of time in reflection. I have no reason, but I try to glean some wisdom from experience, especially now that I officially have some :) Last night, I was remembering a brief conversation with an agnostic young man who was resolved never to get caught up in religion again. He had fallen in love with a young Mormon girl and tried to enter that church. The break up was acrimonious, and left a bad taste in his mouth.

He couldn't get past the notion of original sin. He said that he cannot reconcile a loving God with His creations being inherently "bad". There was no phrasing it in a way that he would hear. Each attempt I made was rejected with hostility. Well, I let go and let God, because if he wants to go through life making excuses for his mistakes and rationalizing negative behaviors, with prayer from believers, he will recognize that there IS such a thing as right and wrong.

Then, my mind went to another conversation, this time with a searching, young teenage woman. She said that the concept of purgatory bothered her, that it makes her want to turn away from God. Now at least with her, there was the belief in a Loving and Living God, so I was able to get my foot in the door.

First, I was able to tell her that purgatory is a spiritual cleansing period, because she cannot be presented to the Father with an unclean soul. That, she said was insulting, because that is saying God doesn't love her the way she is.

Aha! I said, it proves that He does love her, the real her, not the one who may have done something she didn't confess, the original sin side in us all. He wants to see her as beautiful as she was the day He made her.

It just happened to be a time when she and one of my daughters were getting ready for prom. I told her, "Okay, so, when you go to the prom, you won't need this dress or the new hair do. Don't get your nails done, don't put on make up and GOD FORBID you take a shower!" She just laughed. So I explained that what could be more important than a prom? That would be going before the King of Kings, the Most High. Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ! Purgatory is painful, because you are removed from God's presence, but you will not STAY there, and when you are presented before God, you will be clean, as Adam and Eve were when He first created them.

Well, she waived me off, and continued shopping for the perfect pair of shoes. But you know, I spoke with her dear mother about ten years later. Her daughter is considering consecrated life even though her mom feels she is too young. And, she might be, because I don't know her as her mother does. But, it turns out that pooh-poohed conversation had an impact that I didn't know about!

You never know when you will make a difference. Even the smallest gesture of kindness or even unsolicited advice can make a big change in someone's heart. I wonder what that young man is doing these days?

CONVERTS RULE & here is one reason why....

Okay, don't worry about me coming up with several verbose reasons that Catholic Converts rule (even though we do... in fact we ROCK), but I was so inspired in a conversation with a fellow Oblate Sister of Mary Magdalene. In fact it was Sr. Magdalen who inspired me to explain in detail my reasons for making that broad brush stroke statement. You see, a convert to Catholicism is much like a person who used to be fat or an ex-smoker, almost obsessive in their zeal to reveal "the truth".

Now naturally, the Sacrament that is most dear to our hearts as it is to all Catholics, is the Eucharist. It is receiving the True Presence of Christ, available to us almost every day, that we can boast being THE one component of our faith where we know what non Catholics are missing. I heard one of my favorite priests say in a homily that he read somewhere that a non Catholic person advised his Catholic friend, that if the Eucharist is truly what we believe, he would crawl for miles to receive Him. And, since we are speaking the Truth, that goes without saying. Who among us wouldn’t do that?

What is special about converts, is that our next favorite Sacrament surprises most other people. The Sacrament of Reconciliation would almost always be cited as the second most precious gift, left by Jesus through the Sacraments. Yes, of course we have heard all of the baby boomers horror stories about making Confessions and the “dreadful” priests that heard them and administered painful penance for the least infraction. That made young girls fear boys with warts on their hands and young men cringe at the thought of relieving frustration. Those terrible priests! But again, those of us who converted from any non Catholic faith (ironically, of the nine people I took classes when I did, oh, some years back during the Cretaceous Period, we were all Methodists backgrounds!) knew exactly what we had been missing.

The Confessional pre dates Sigmund Freud. Over the years, priests were called upon to fill the shoes of Jesus and serve as the therapists for thousands upon thousands of penitents. When you had no where to turn and you had to face your fears, you could escape to the anonymous sanctuary, the confessional. You didn’t even have to face your confessor. All you had to do was pray as Jesus washed your sins away.

Allow me to go back to the 80’s, when my birth daughter, Rachel, was still just a girl, I had occasion to meet with our parish priest, Fr. Dimond, for what escapes me now. What happened in that room was far beyond me and an amazing experience. It overshadowed and made insignificant anything I had expected.

All I remember was sitting down with a stack of books and pamphlets. All of a sudden, I started to speak, it was an involuntary and spontaneous surge of words that sprang from my mouth, “Forgive me father, for I have sinned….” I proceeded to tell the priest of something I had done. Something I had pushed in the back of my mind so that I might believe I had never done such a thing. Something I had sworn I would forget and never deal with again. Tears poured out of my eyes and Father was rushing to prepare his vestments. I still cannot believe that I spoke it. Left to my own frail devices, I would have gone the rest of my life with that burden, consumed in the flame of guilt and no repentance, just stupid denial.

Then, I heard the soft voice of the priest, “Oh, how desperate you must have been.” He began to say words of encouragement and forgiveness. A love that I never really knew existed appeared before me at that moment and when he laid his hand on my head to absolve me of my sins, I felt what I can only describe as a hot flash, a bolt of energy from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. And, it was released. I felt as if I had lost some 25 pounds of hideous weight. I never knew I could feel so good. Then, Father held me for what seemed to be an eternity. I will confess, I have tried to be stoic all of my life. Not successfully, but my upper lip was as stiff as I could make it. I cannot describe the relief, the love, the repentance I experienced. There really are no words, but when I was advised to go in peace and sin no more, well, I DID go in peace J

Ever since that day, I have not feared nor swept under the rug that Sacrament. When I read something about Our Lady’s alleged apparitions in Medjugore that reminded her people to visit the Sacraments as often as possible, I am sure she meant Confession too. I am positive. And, I do. Visit the Sacraments often, that is.

I am telling you, CONVERTS RULE!

Softly & Tenderly

The rural Ohio area where I grew up is Non Catholic heaven. My small hometown, with a population of 600 people at that time (it is experiencing a boom at the moment with a Honda plant nearby) and now has grown to 900. But our little village has 4 non Catholic churches. When we were very young, our Mother would take us to the Quaker church just up the street. The only African American church in the county was Baptist, and even though my father was raised Baptist, he was non practicing. Mom held a deep prejudice for Baptists, the only discriminatory bone in her body. Finally, when I was about 8 years old, there opened a small African Methodist Episcopal church, Grace A.M.E., in the county seat of Bellefontaine (pronounced "bell fountain). So we started going there, but by that time I became vocal about my desire to go to a Catholic church. But I had also developed a deep affection for protestant hymns and gospel music, both country and black. My favorite was "Softly and Tenderly"'

The lyrics make my love for that hymn obvious:

"Softly & tenderly, Jesus is calling.
Calling for you and for me.
Though we have sinned,
He has mercy and pardon,
Pardon for you and for me.

Come Home, Come Home,
Ye who are weary come Home.
Earnestly, tenderly Jesus is calling,
Calling all sinners come Home. "

Now, for the Evangelical, Pentecostal and non denominational faiths, this is a funeral song. Same for Baptists & the Church of Christ parishioners. But, as a Catholic, I take from it so much more. I converted to Catholicism, and each time over the years when I have faltered, the confessor in the Sacrament of Reconciliation would remind me that I am always welcome. That is one of the beauties of Mother Church. You don't need an epiphany or sudden surge of the Holy Spirit. All you have to do is come home. Yes, you do need to make a confession, but as I have said before, that is my favorite Sacrament after the Eucharist. Moreover, each time I receive the Body & Blood of our dear Lord Jesus, I know I am home. That is one of my acts of answering his, "....calling all sinners, come Home". Indeed, it reaffirms for me why I am a Roman Catholic.

When I attended my first Mass, I knew I was home. Granted I was young and being the only "negro" child in the congregation, I garnered quite a bit of benevolent attention..... that certainly helped convince me that my call to Rome Sweet Home, as Scott Hahn would say, was real and legitimate. When one of my older sisters became Muslim, she and both of her ex husbands were baffled at my skill in Catholic Apologetics. I mean, it was a simple matter of the fact that I cannot really understand nor empathize with a faith where there is no Jesus. Yes, they acknowledge Him as a great prophet and venerate the Holy Mother, but they give the same argument that many Jewish Apologists give, that God doesn't have a family. To which I always reply, "Then, who are we to God?" That "mystical" question, that part of Christianity that they do not understand, just got me some very blank stares that seared right through my head. I am disaffected.

Then, my younger sister was "Born Again" and is now an Evangelical Christian. She had a change of heart, to some degree, after having a job working with a Catholic Social Service agency after Hurricane Katrina and then working with poor Hispanic immigrants. She finally acknowledged that Catholics are Christians, as before, she was led to believe it to be a cult. Moreover, she also finally admitted to me that she knows now, she was preaching to the choir when she was trying to convert me. She realized that I had been "saved" way before she was. And, I remind her that, yes, I was saved, I am being saved and I will be saved in the future. That beautiful ongoing process of the road to holiness Catholics enjoy and many take for granted.

As I work with two other Oblate Sisters of Mary Magdalene, Sr. Mary Magdalene and Sr. Clare Marie, we discuss the entrance process to becoming one of our sisters. I have decided, one thing we might do that is unorthodox, is welcome fallen away Catholics and, possibly, people of another Church. But they would first become lay associates. I would grant them the opportunity to wear the dress of our habit when attending common retreats, meetings & functions, but no veil. And, they could become a postulate and/or novitiate (depending on their progress to the goal I am about to mention), but part of their formation would be to attend RCIA or form a relationship with a good spiritual director who will assist them in listening to and actually hearing Jesus' call. The call that is delivered so softly and tenderly. Our sisters need a close relationship with Jesus and His Church, because to achieve that is critical to our way of prayer life. We imitate Christ. We pray without ceasing, even through a busy or difficult work day. It sustains us until we can receive Lord Jesus in the Eucharist. Our Holy Communion is what holds us together, not just as Catholics, but as Oblate Sisters of Mary Magdalene.

Yeah..... I know what you were thinking when you first began to read this. "Where is she going with THIS? Is she having another Senior Moment?" Well, I might be having just that. But even if that is so, it's part of my closer walk with Jesus, another non Catholic hymn! ;-)

Our Lady of Vocations, pray for us.

"John 20:11-18 But Mary stayed outside the tomb weeping. And as she wept, she bent over into the tomb and saw two angels in white sitting there, one at the head and one at the feet where the body of Jesus had been. And they said to her, "Woman, why are you weeping?" She said to them, "They have taken my Lord, and I don't know where they laid him."
When she had said this, she turned around and saw Jesus there, but did not know it was Jesus. Jesus said to her, "Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you looking for?" She thought it was the gardener and said to him, "Sir, if you carried him away, tell me where you laid him, and I will take him."
Jesus said to her, "Mary!" She turned and said to him in Hebrew, "Rabbouni," which means Teacher. Jesus said to her, "Stop holding on to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. But go to my brothers and tell them, 'I am going to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.'"
Mary of Magdala went and announced to the disciples, "I have seen the Lord," and what he told her."

When I look at my life from an "out of body" perspective, it is clear as a bell. When I was young and shook off feelings of wanting to be Catholic and live religious life, I did what was "expected". I finished school, went to college, got married. Now the latter, that is one of my favorite pieces of schtick!

I don't believe I put my all into trying to find the right mate. All I knew is I was approaching 24 years old and would be, by my hometown's standards, an old maid. So, when I found someone who didn't run, was standing up right & breathing, he qualified. What a mistake. It is true that you can be married and much lonelier than being single. Now, Rachel Lindsey is a blessing, but the ex, well, bless his heart, he is mentally ill in a society that neglects people with illnesses of the brain. They are just not as attractive as an inability to walk, see or hear. My heart beats so much compassion for him. And, he is the only father my birth duaghter will ever know. But all that time, seeking my hearts desire, way off of the mark.

Then, once I was REALLY grown up, that is, at the age of 43, I realized that all of the wheel spinning I have done was even pointed in the wrong direction. I am called to be a bride of Christ. As I may have mentioned before, when I pray the Rosary, attend a Marian devotion, think of serving Jesus as a consecrated lay person, I smell roses. I had lost that over the past few years. When I tried to become a member of a newly forming pious association, I felt I wanted that more than anything. When I was released from inquiring, I was more devastated than ever. I now knew what it felt like to loose the man of your dreams. I was seperated from the sacraments for so long. I didn't feel worthy at all. And, I couldn't believe that God really loved the likes of me.

But now, I can see it. I sat weeping at the tomb. "Please, tell me where they took my Lord." Then, as benevolent and caring as He is, He has tapped my shoulder. Why have I been seeking the Living among the dead? God's will will always come, but it comes in His time. Not mine, not yours, not the Evil One's. He has been there all along. He is calling me to serve him. I don't need to conform to the calling of others. I have to respond to HIM AND HIS CALL. I have to do it the way He wants me. No more tears. No more waiting. And, I am receiving the Sacraments as often as possible. That includes the Sacrament of Reconciliation, next to the Eucharist, a convert's favorite. I feel His presence and that peace beyond understanding. His warm embrace has made my sometimes taxing existence, LIFE.

So, just as Mary of Magdala, weeping at the tomb, that was my life. But, He renewed me. He told me why I was looking for Him where He is not. I turned around, not recognizing Him at first. But now, I see. And, an Oblate Sister of Mary Magdalene wants to tell everyone what she has seen and been told.

My Permission Slip

When my thoughts go back in time, as they so often do, several episodes of my life seem to pop up, and there is a common thread. I am called to something greater than myself, but what is it?

I am watching my younger, 17 year old daughter, who is determined to become a police officer. She is in law enforcement vocational training and part of the Columbus Ohio Police Department's Explorer program. She also plans to join the US Army. Today, she even went with the recruiters to the reserves camp. She is tired, but she loves it. I see a beautiful young woman who started life with the cards stacked against her. So much adversity, but she is clear in her vision for herself and I have no doubt will be a wonderful law enforcement officer.

Rachel, is 28, developmentally handicapped and receives disability payments, but works two part time jobs in the fast food industry. She fancies herself an actress. She tries out for and has performed in several local productions. I thought when I was in college, "None of my children will be in theater! No! I want baseball players." God's will is a tough nut to crack, because neither of my girls are athletes. In fact, the are LOATHED to even sit with me through a baseball or football game. But they both took/take their education and career choices for the future seriously and with amazing clarity. That wasn't me 20 or 25 years ago. Not by a long shot.

Memory number one is going on a Sunday trip to visit relatives in Yellow Springs, Ohio. We stopped at a popular bakery where you can get the freshest doughnuts. While we were in the store, there were three religious sisters who were also customers purchasing those wonderful confections. My father made a comment when we returned to the car. I don't remember exactly what it was, but it was disparaging against the sisters. My parents were not Catholic & I wasn't raised Catholic, but I always FELT Catholic. Later on in the day, I approached my father and gently admonished him of the error in his prejudice about religious life. He received it with grace and humility. And, my dear mother gave me an " atta girl" in another room, out of ear shot of Dad.

As I grew I always longed to attend Catholic Churches, even attending mass regularly in college, but never taking that courageous step of actually entering. But, my mother saw where my heart was directing me and encouraged me, no she SIGNED ME UP, for the RCIA class the summer after my sophomore year. I have never looked back and feel blessed when I receive the Eucharist, because I know what others are missing. I would sit in front of a mirror and drape a scarf over my head, wondering how I would look in a religious habit. Other young girls I am supposing would play with momma's make up and dress clothes or wedding gowns, imagining how that would be. I was different. I assumed that I would get married, but exploring consecration for my life, just as I attended mass for years and didn't convert, I was too insecure to explore religious life in the early seventies.

I won't drag anyone through the married life I led, it was bad enough that I put myself and my older daughter through it *smile*, but looking for romance was always an exercise in futility for me. I wasn't comfortable in "the game" of dating. After my divorce, I admitted that in order for me to marry again, this man would have to be extraordinary and the last man who walked the Earth and who fit the bill was crucified over 2000 years ago. So, as I stated in my first blog, I decided to see if there was a group, society, a way of life that was a good fit for me and allow me to serve God in the way I know He wants. That leads me to memories two and three.

I began sharing with Sr. Evelyn Gerhart and found that I was blessed with the gift of smelling roses when the Holy Mother was near, encouraging me in the right direction. It happended frequently from 1995-2000. I wasn't getting everything I needed from the Good Shepherd Congregation. I was meant to experience them, though. Because their foundress, St. Mary Euphrasia came to my aide when I was in the adoption process with the local Children Services Department. After praying a novena to her, I was allowed to be the mother of Monique. And, I had her baptised Monique Marie Euphrasia in thanksgiving to her. I also made my first private vows to them in 1998. But there was confrusion, adversity that the Companions (the group with whom I professed my vows) were facing that wasn't helped by the insecure and uncertain nature of my search for God's will for me.

I spoke with secular institutes, vocation directors from other religious groups and even made an earnest attempt to become a sister in a pious association that was and still is growing. I had a tearful meeting with the diocese vocation office, where I was told what I am always told, "You are a mother to your daughters. That is what you should focus on. There is no place for you in the Church as a religious." I have wasted several sad years over that comment. The operative word in that sentence is " wasted". Why have I been so timid and limited myself so? I have raised two, confident, high functioning special needs daughters who are brave enough to take on what they want for their lives and are living God's plan for them.

So, on a rare occasion that Monique considered me "cool enough" for conversation one afternoon as I folded some laundry, I lamented to her how, as much as I love the two girls, I really wish I had looked into life as a Dominican sister or knew of the existance of the Oblate Sisters of Providence. I told her that I feel I would have been better of as a bride of Christ. Then, she gave me the most puzzled look I have ever seen. She said, "...but, I thought you were. Just because other people try to discourage you, that doesn't mean your not His bride. I have always seen you that way. Stop asking people for permission to do what God wants you to do."

Whoa! Out of the mouths of babes. I have spent a lifetime looking to other humans, who have no authority to shut me down, and it took my daughter to open my eyes. So, even though I am not connected with an established group or with one that is forming, that doesn't mean that I am not nor can be a consecrated lay woman.

I am in the process of writing my own rule. I vision myself as an Oblate Sister of Mary Magdalene. She was a woman, looked down on my the rest of society, but was a much loved disciple of Christ. So much so that when He arose from the tomb, He appeared to her first. He asked her why she was looking for Him there and it wasn't until after she faced Him, that she recognized The Lord. That is what I have been doing. Jesus just tapped me on the shoulder as I have wept and asked me, why am I seeking Him where He is not. He is in my heart as He was in the Magdalene. And I will join her in service to Him.

Please, pray for me as I embark on my new life. Well, it's my life, but I am sanctifying everything, turning all that I do that is good for Him. And, if it is meant to be, and there are other women out there, who like me have believed that we were not meant to serve Him as a consecrate, and boldy do it now, not waiting for permission.

A Different Take on Vocations

I have long been pursuing a life of consecration. I had my marriage annulled and even though I have two older special needs daughters, I also felt that I could find my niche in the various forms of consecrated vocations in the Catholic Church. The void in my life after marriage had nothing to do with companionship. Efforts in that direction felt even more empty.

I joined a Charismatic Prayer Group at my parish and one of the members gave me the name of a Dominican Sister who gave spiritual direction. Sr. Evelyn Gerhart has since founded her own community, the Daughters of St. Dominic, and is one of the most wonderful, Spirit filled people I have ever met. We explored a lot about where I was headed with my future. We discussed secular institutes, because most traditional communities were not available to me. It was meetings with her and going to some of the devotions she sponsored, that I found myself smelling roses when certain ideas came to mind. I felt that the ultimate spiritual director, Mary Mother of God, was giving me signals that I was on the right track.

This is the Cliff Notes version of my journey, but over the past 15 years, I have experienced several unhappy, unfortunate situations. Racism from a vocations director of a now defunct secular institute. I tried an association with some kind hearted and well meaning women, trying to establish a pious association in connection to an established congregation, but finding a great deal of resistance to this day. I realized my future wasn't with them, because they were too liberal for my heart. I do not believe in women priests, I am ardently pro-life, and inclusive language makes my skin crawl. I left them filled with great hopes to be part of a newer forming community, a pious association of sisters. But I was left with heartbreak, over a great misunderstanding and a betrayal from leaders of the parish to which I belonged at the time. That left me damaged and depressed for some time. And, of course, I questioned God's love for me.

But, then I remembered something Sr. Evelyn had told me. She said that if you feel the calling, it's real and legitimate. It is your obligation to God to find the place he has prepared for you. Now, I am renewed with hope and have decided to live private consecration now. I may find a group that I would feel comfortable being a member. I may not. I may find that the Holy Spirit will lead people to join me who are in the same or similar state in life and wants to answer the call to consecrate the very act of rasing Christian children to become pious adults. That is an important vocation right there and I believe it is important for people to see that those of us doing the "grunt work" of caring for children with special needs, adults with mental illness, people who are living without health care or providing nutrition for hungry children CONSECRATE those activites and claim that territory for the Glory of God.

I have started a discussion email group http://groups.yahoo.com/group/discerningsecondvocations. I would be most honored to discuss and engage people in an exchange of ideas on the topic of second vocations, both for men and women.

Peace and prayers
Iris Marie <><