Our Lady of Vocations, pray for us.

"John 20:11-18 But Mary stayed outside the tomb weeping. And as she wept, she bent over into the tomb and saw two angels in white sitting there, one at the head and one at the feet where the body of Jesus had been. And they said to her, "Woman, why are you weeping?" She said to them, "They have taken my Lord, and I don't know where they laid him."
When she had said this, she turned around and saw Jesus there, but did not know it was Jesus. Jesus said to her, "Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you looking for?" She thought it was the gardener and said to him, "Sir, if you carried him away, tell me where you laid him, and I will take him."
Jesus said to her, "Mary!" She turned and said to him in Hebrew, "Rabbouni," which means Teacher. Jesus said to her, "Stop holding on to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. But go to my brothers and tell them, 'I am going to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.'"
Mary of Magdala went and announced to the disciples, "I have seen the Lord," and what he told her."

When I look at my life from an "out of body" perspective, it is clear as a bell. When I was young and shook off feelings of wanting to be Catholic and live religious life, I did what was "expected". I finished school, went to college, got married. Now the latter, that is one of my favorite pieces of schtick!

I don't believe I put my all into trying to find the right mate. All I knew is I was approaching 24 years old and would be, by my hometown's standards, an old maid. So, when I found someone who didn't run, was standing up right & breathing, he qualified. What a mistake. It is true that you can be married and much lonelier than being single. Now, Rachel Lindsey is a blessing, but the ex, well, bless his heart, he is mentally ill in a society that neglects people with illnesses of the brain. They are just not as attractive as an inability to walk, see or hear. My heart beats so much compassion for him. And, he is the only father my birth duaghter will ever know. But all that time, seeking my hearts desire, way off of the mark.

Then, once I was REALLY grown up, that is, at the age of 43, I realized that all of the wheel spinning I have done was even pointed in the wrong direction. I am called to be a bride of Christ. As I may have mentioned before, when I pray the Rosary, attend a Marian devotion, think of serving Jesus as a consecrated lay person, I smell roses. I had lost that over the past few years. When I tried to become a member of a newly forming pious association, I felt I wanted that more than anything. When I was released from inquiring, I was more devastated than ever. I now knew what it felt like to loose the man of your dreams. I was seperated from the sacraments for so long. I didn't feel worthy at all. And, I couldn't believe that God really loved the likes of me.

But now, I can see it. I sat weeping at the tomb. "Please, tell me where they took my Lord." Then, as benevolent and caring as He is, He has tapped my shoulder. Why have I been seeking the Living among the dead? God's will will always come, but it comes in His time. Not mine, not yours, not the Evil One's. He has been there all along. He is calling me to serve him. I don't need to conform to the calling of others. I have to respond to HIM AND HIS CALL. I have to do it the way He wants me. No more tears. No more waiting. And, I am receiving the Sacraments as often as possible. That includes the Sacrament of Reconciliation, next to the Eucharist, a convert's favorite. I feel His presence and that peace beyond understanding. His warm embrace has made my sometimes taxing existence, LIFE.

So, just as Mary of Magdala, weeping at the tomb, that was my life. But, He renewed me. He told me why I was looking for Him where He is not. I turned around, not recognizing Him at first. But now, I see. And, an Oblate Sister of Mary Magdalene wants to tell everyone what she has seen and been told.